Reply to The Elderly Parent Marathon

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "The Elderly Parent Marathon - is this the new norm?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother was 71 when she was diagnosed with a detestable combination of dementia and ALS. She was so healthy otherwise, but she quickly could not be left alone because of the dementia--and the ALS started affecting her ability to eat.

It was a *huge* battle with my father (understandably so), but I knew she would not want to live for years and years in increasingly worse versions of this, and her health care POA said "no extreme measures," and so we finally prevailed upon dad to not agree to a feeding tube.

She died 18 months after diagnosis, not long after she completely lost the ability to swallow. If she had had the feeding tube inserted, I am convinced she would have lived another 10 years, needing 24/7 care.

It's probably as close to legal assisted suicide as one can come, but I have absolutely no regrets over that decision. Her death was devastating, but if her illness had continued for years, it would have destroyed everyone in my family.

[/quote]

I know this was posted a few weeks ago, but having had a parent in a similar situation I wanted the PP to know that research is strongly negative on feeding tubes for elderly patients with dementia. It isn't shown to extend life much, it can lead to infections and other secondary problems, and it obviously prolongs suffering. My grandmother who had Alzheimers was given a feeding tube 30 years ago, but when my dad came to the same point, literally all the medical professionals we dealt with advised against it. He had a living will so it wasn't really a serious consideration, but it was reassuring to realize that we weren't doing something radical by refusing it. Losing the ability and will to eat is a basic sign that the body is preparing for death, and declining a feeding tube for an elderly person with significant cognitive and physical decline is definitely not assisted suicide.[/quote]

I'm PP with the mother, and yes, her doctor was very gentle but very firm when discussing this with my father that a feeding tube in her situation was not recommended. But having since also lost my own DH to illness, I have a greater understanding of how hard it was for my father to make that decision, even in her state where there was no chance she'd ever be any better cognitively. Even knowing it was what she would have wanted, it is hard to know you are making a decision that will slowly starve someone to death. It is natural and a "basic sign of death," yes, but it still terribly hard for a spouse in many cases to agree. That's why so many people end up with feeding tubes anyway.

Also, my mom would have swatted you for calling her "elderly" at 71. ;)

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics