Reply to How to handle, son with black friends that use the 'n word'

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it.  Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty  easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not. [/quote]

This is spot on.[/quote]

Agreed.  My son is 17, but is also on a basketball team that is predominately black.  The kids he's friends with have even told him he can use the N-word (apparently, there's a difference when there's an "a" at the end as opposed to an "er") with them, but we told him that he should not use that term (in any spelling or format), even if his friends say it's ok.  [/quote]

Same.  We told our son that he cannot say it with an a on the end, even if his friends tell him he can, even if his other white friends use it.  It's not a word we allow in our house, in any form.

His friends also know that it's not a word we allow in our house and they try to be mindful of not saying it.  Not saying it doesn't happen, but now not every other word out of their mouths isn't 'n---a.'  I felt I had a right to ask his friends not to use that word when in my house.  I don't feel like I have the right to ask his friends not to post pictures or tag my son in pictures and use that word.  I also can't control what they say when we're out in public together.  One of his black friends went with us to a Nats game a few weeks ago and told us that his cousin worked at the concession stand there and would hook us up.  I kind of just laughed, but when we first arrived and went to get food, he found his cousin and said, "this is my n---a and his family, so be nice to them."  Other white people near us gave us a look and I was embarrassed, but I have no right to control or correct his speech when out in public.  I'm not his parent.      [/quote]
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I literally cringed when I read this.
You and I must be very different parents, I damn sure would have pulled him aside and told him that was not acceptable. First of all it was bad manners, and just uncouth. Who in the hell introduces a family like that? I would not have hesitated for a second to have a "conversation" with that young man.  'Hey, Johnny, there is a way to speak casually around our friends, things we do and say that we don't do in the presence of adults and in more formal settings. When you are introducing someone you say 'this is so and so and his parents Miss Donna and his brother Boris'. It sounds more mannerable, and shows you have the home training, I know your parents gave you.
 You don't say 'this is my n*** chuck and his fam'. So next time, think about the situation and what is the appropriate way to come off'.
But, maybe that's just me.
If a kid is under my supervision and out with my family, I feel like I have a right to certain aspects of discipline and rule keeping, but maybe that is just me and my friends and their kids. 
Plus, I'm the kind of person who tends to try to 'mother' or mentor kids, give them advice about what is and is not acceptable behaviour. Heck, the other day I told some kids on the Metro to stop picking on their friend.   And I certainly hope people do the same for my kids if they are under their supervision and need some 'act right' or refining. 
See I grew up in an era when your folks knew what you did BEFORE you got back home and you likely heard about your bad behaviour before you hit the doorstep.
It's sad we see so much of the attitude of, 'not my kid, not my problem'. All kids need support and guidance.[/quote]

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