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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]OP here, reposting my original post as I think some might want to reread. I have not responded to friend yet so no need to freak out that I have cut her out of anything. I haven't responded yet at all regarding her very long text with many details of the food she wants me to get, the beer she is telling my father in law to bring and the decorating she will be doing of my house. I actually came looking for guidance from the forum on what peoples' thoughts were so maybe more constructive ideas than judgement if you don't mind.

My intentions could not possibly be more focused on celebrating my SIL and BIL to be who I adore and see multiple times per week. This friend lives 14 hours away and has for many years. I have never met this person ever and have been married for 14 years and spent all holidays and birthdays with my SIL since she was 14. Also this engagement which BIL made me and my kids and our parents a huge part of happened on Monday (this week). I believe her friend needs to settle down honestly. Those saying it was her idea, how could anyone have had time to have any idea in 1 day!

Another important detail, I offered to have the party after my SIL said that her friend is in town for a few days in less than 2 weeks and she doesn't have anywhere to throw it or the money to do so but wants to have a party for her. What does this mean? I feel there are maturity issues here and perhaps a lack of grasp of reality of what it takes to plan and pay for parties. All that said I am taking in all the comments and I may very well just roll with this and let friend "throw" the party. I ultimately only care about SIL and BIL and our family and any drama or stress isn't worth it.

I honestly think weddings and the surrounding events are wildly overrated and in most cases result in totally unnecessary cost and too often debt and frequently hurt feelings and damaged relationships for absolutely no good reason but I won't be sharing any of that with SIL because it's not my place.

thanks for the feedback[/quote]

So, OP, I hear what you're saying, but a little confused.  
It's a little confusing because in your first OP, you  said [quote]Now the friend is texting me her plans for the party in terms of the decorations she is buying, the food and drinks she wants to serve, and even suggested she would ask my father in law to bring a keg of beer for everyone.[/quote]

Which doesn't sound like she is telling you to buy food.  But then in your follow up post you say she wants you to buy food.   Is the friend actually saying "OP, you need to pick up some chips and dip, burgers, mini quiches, and potato chips.  I can ask FIL to get a keg, and I'll get the decorations."  Or did she send a text that said "OP, thanks for coordinating with me.  I'm thinking we could serve chips and dip, burgers, mini quiches, and potato chips.  What do you think about asking FIL to get the keg since he knows Bob at the liquor store.  Oh, and I'm thinking purple and white streamers for decorations, a banner that says "congratulations", and balloons."

Those two are very different.  I'm not being snarky or judgy, but I think in your head, like you said earlier, when you offered your house you just assumed you'd be hosting and having the party and then when you got the friend's email which may have been more like the second option, you just read into that that you'd have to buy everything - but what she requested.

It does sound like you want to make a great experience for your SIL and are willing to step outside your comfort zone to do so.  I posted before, but I'll say that I think you can call the friend and coordinate the details and clarifying what she can do and what you'll do.  Good luck.

Oh and tell us how it goes.
[/quote]op is making a lot of assumptions bc she hasn't taken the simple step of clarifying things with the friend.[/quote]

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