Reply to Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?

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Reply to "Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP are these school events?  When the kids are with you don't let ex know about any events. Put them in sports on your time or hobbies without letting him know. We did that.  Swimming, and dance that were not school and near where we lived. We didn't want any exes or their "friends" showing up. We did camping trips and family things too. [/quote]

+1.  I stopped telling Ex about events school events, sports stuff, recitals, etc.  It's all public info and he could find out easily by googling if he cared.  He doesn't.  It's not my job to do emotional labor for him anymore.  It's also not my job to try to create an image of him for my kids that he is really not able to uphold himself.  I got tired of inviting him to stuff and then everyone worrying if he'd show up or not. [/quote]

Wow, really nice for your kids people. I'm sure your kids would want the other parent there. Mine do. I always extend the olive branch, and if he doesn't show, that's on him. If he does show with his flavor of the month, I get over it and am thankful that at least he showed up. Some of you really need to put your kids first.[/quote]
Speaking as someone who spent my childhood waiting for my father to show up to events he never came to, you are actually wrong. It is very painful and devastating as a child to have your mother get your hopes up (and if you know she invited your father, then your hopes are up) and have them dashed each time. I wish my mother had just stopped inviting him and had just stopped mentioning him any time I had an event. I knew he was not going to show up and yet my eyes would still search the crowd hoping that somehow each time would be different. [/quote]

The alternative way to handle this would be to tell him that there is an event but not tell the kid that he'd been invited to the event. This is basically what I do. At the beginning of the month, I send my ex an email with the dates and times of any events that DD has for school or sports or whatever, and let him know that it would mean a lot to her if he was there for at least some of them. I don't talk about it with her. When she asks, I tell her something along the lines of, "I'm not sure if Daddy's coming or not. I will definitely be there, though!"[/quote]

Another alternative is to let dad plan things on his time so he can have one on one. [b]No kid wants to be with their step parents, they don't ask for step parents or new bf/gf[/b]. They want one on one with their parents period. Each needs to make sure they do that even though they aren't together.[/quote]

This is false. My parents divorced young. I loved and adored both my step parents and still do. In fact, I would have been hurt if they hadn't attended events or participated in my life. Unfortunately, blended families are pretty common nowadays. Kids end up having two families. Not just a bubble of Mom and divorced Dad. [/quote]

That's true, but more often than not they don't like the steps. For every child that is close to the steps, another is not. At least in the beginning mom and dad should try to keep others at bay until it's serious. Really not much to ask to ensure stability.[/quote]

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