Reply to Critique me: 28 yr old Af Am woman who wants marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really lucked out with my DH, but when I first started dating him, I literally burst out laughing when my friend asked me if I'd ever marry him.

Of course, I was still young then, and so you have a little less time than me (about five years, so not critical), but I do think that if I was looking for a husband, I'd have kept striking out.

HAVING SAID THAT, the paradox is that you don't want someone who is great at dating, horrible at marriage (or, put another way, great at traveling, horrible at the daily grind).

What is it, specifically, that makes you feel eager to settle down? People do truly flock to people who are somewhat self-sufficient/not needy, but open to others.

And I'll also say that it would help to date outside your ethnic background. (I'm Jewish, and some of my Jewish friends have had a hard time dating because they limit themselves to Jewish men, who are notorious for dating out. And the J-Date site is awful, I hear. So I ended up with an Asian husband, who is wonderful.)

What I *wouldn't* focus on, so much, is your appearance, because frankly, I have not noticed it to make much difference. Perhaps on the contrary, the too-put together ladies sometimes come off as too high-maintenance.[/quote]

I am ready to settle down cause I feel that I have taken care of myself in other aspects and want to grow with someone. I am tired of the dating, uncertainty, flakiness of the scene, esp as an black woman. being independent can be expensive and exhausting sometimes, always having to be on top of everything. Just being honest.....[/quote]

I'm the PP, and you sound a lot like my sister, she was always a goal-achiever, she worked hard on the career/looks/education aspects of her life and tried to apply the same approach to dating, but it didn't work well for her. Relationships are more like, well, friendships, than like building a career or pursuing a goal. It's possible (I can't know, of course) that this sense of wanting to share your life's burdens with your partner is what's scaring the men off. Because, as other PPs said, otherwise you sound like a great catch. (And I'm not being sarcastic here.) [/quote]

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