Reply to SAHD not wanting to return to work

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "SAHD not wanting to return to work"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- hadn't checked back in a while.

To those asking what would happen if DH went back to work - who would cover sick days; travel days; dr appts; after school etc. We would get a nanny/housekeeper for after school/driving the kids around/light cooking or housekeeping. As for sick days/dr appointments - I am now senior enough in my career that I can take some time off - so it's like I'm expecting DH to cover this stuff in month 4 at a new job.

Reality is - this isn't about money at all. Nor am I looking to quit my job or anything. But I guess I'm just resentful of the fact that he doesn't want to "be tied down" to a job - as if me being tied down to 60 hrs/wk for the last 11 yrs has been the most fun thing ever.

For those saying - well the kids aren't wandering around naked and hungry, so he must be doing something - well yeah, but a LOT less than what I would expect a stay home parent to do. I am not someone who thinks the stay home parent needs to be scrubbing the toilets or cooking 5 course meals (he doesn't - we have a cleaning person; and meals are either defrosting what I've made on weekends and/or takeout most days of the week). But I feel like the person staying home SHOULD do things like laundry, errands, grocery shopping etc. and generally "run the household." He will do those things begrudgingly but only when I nag about it. If we're leaving to go away for a weekend, I'll ask him on Wed. to make sure the kids' laundry is done so we can take off right after school on Friday. Friday rolls around and I leave work early to get home after school to find that he just started the laundry 20 min ago. Or he'll eat/take the kids out to eat dinner and it has happened that I get home at 9 pm and there's nothing for dinner for me -- i.e. didn't even occur to him to grab a takeout order for me as they were leaving the restaurant. His laziness makes me feel like I have a 3rd child.[/quote]

FWIW, I agree that your DH should be picking up more of the home front stuff.  Is doesn't sound like you actually want him to go back to work but to pick up more of the home front stuff.  I suggest you just stop doing some of those things and see how long it is before he picks them up.  Your children are at an age where they can take over laundry.  Does he do the yard work?  Car maintenance?  What things does he like to do (or did he used to like to do).

I think you both need to go to a trained person who can help you navigate through this so neither of you is on the defensive and can work through it.  It maybe that he feels stuck in a place and may be depressed.  After staying at home for so long, it is hard to figure out what to do next and how to break into it.   Based on your job, it sounds like he will have to find a part time or very flexible job from the get go.  A traveling spouse who works past 7 pm when they are at home, doesn't work as well with a 9-5 inflexible type of job, especially if you want your children to do activities after school.  Are you prepared to pay for more for childcare than he brings in?  A housekeeper/nanny that does that type of thing can be very costly.   What was his career before he quit to stay at home so you could go full throttle on your career?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics