Reply to SAHD not wanting to return to work

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "SAHD not wanting to return to work"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I was in a similar situation, with my SAH husband not pulling his weight, while I was effectively handcuffed to a good paying job.

I would come home to Burgerking for the kids five nights a week, an unkempt house which was picked up but not clean, school work not being monitored, on and on.  I hired a housekeeper because I couldn't stand it.

After the kids left high school, I started charging my SAH husband rent and half of the bills.  I told him it didn't matter what he did, but this is what it cost.

It did ease my resentment quite a bit.  If I wanted the house clean, I cleaned it.  If I wanted a nice meal, I cooked it.  I also stopped funding dates.  If we did something nice, he could save up for it, otherwise I went by myself.

Strangely, lots of other parts of our life works for us.  We are both fairly moderate to high drive matched sex partners, We enjoy each other's company, and he is brilliant even if he is not traditional.

Anyway, that's what worked for us.  [/quote]

So he went back to work? How else did he pay rent?[/quote]

Yes but he wasn't tied to a 9-5 job - he did different projects, some temp work, etc.  I wasn't asking ridiculous rent ($800) and half utilities, the cable bill is all his because I do t watch TV, but it did seem to change the resentment dynamic for me, having him contribute something, since I thought he did a terrible job as a SAH husband.  Essentially, I fired him from SAH.[/quote]

^^^oh yeah, I made him pay for his own hobbies and separated cell phones, so he had to choose and buy his own cell phone.  He pays for all maintenance on his car, and his car insurance.  He takes me on vacations now, mostly to local BB, the beach, we go to live theater, local string quartets, and other local live music.  I contribute to an IRA for him and max out my own 401k as a result.  I pay for his healthcare.

We love each other, but my resentment was making me deeply unhappy and making me feel used.  OP, it should matter to your husband how you feel.  Maybe if you loosened the parameters of what work should look like, and told him that you didn't care what he did, but he had to pay " rent" of $1000 to continue to live in the house, maybe he would look at getting something part time, or work at something which he enjoyed.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics