Reply to Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m having serious cold feet.

My soon to be husband is way too close to his family. His family means literally – everything – to him.

*He spent two days in the hospital with his sister when she was in labor. He posted several pictures of his niece on Facebook yet he has never in three years posted a single picture of us aside from his Facebook profile. I’m not mad at all that he posted these photos on Facebook, I am just upset that he clearly values his family way above and beyond our relationship.
*I feel overwhelmed by the amount of time he spends with his family. I’m not comfortable with it. I feel like his family is and will always come first, I will come second.
*He spent 6-8 months/year working in remote conditions. When he would come home he would scurry off to his parents house to see his family for 4-5 nights a week and come home late and I would be sitting there waiting for him.
*He still sees his family 3 times per week, this is something I am grudgingly coming to terms with. I see my own family 2-3 times/year and talk to them on the phone probably once a week for comparison.
*He is obsessed with his nephew and gets frustrated when I show lack of interest. I don’t have any kids and am personally not really interested in other peoples kids – I am however very interested in having kids of my own.
*He forgot to buy me a birthday present one year, yet would ask me what kind of shoes he should buy his sister.
*On that note, he constantly talks about his siblings. His sister in particular, I mean he brings up anecdotes about her daily.
*If he has ANY free time, I mean any where it’s not spending time with me. He will go over to his parent or brother-in-law and sister’s house and wait until I go home for him to go home. The man can’t spend any time by himself.
*He has always lived at home, except for a 3 year relationship with his ex. He has never had his own apartment or living space.

I am freaking out about the likelihood of dealing with this for the rest of my life. The wedding is in two weeks. We have had SEVERAL conversations about this and he has made some changes but I constantly feel like I am coming in second-best.

[/quote]

OP - the answer you already know. Look, relationships ending are the reason people have relationships and just don't marry the day they meet. It gives them a chance to learn about each other and figure out if they are compatible. This doesn't mean that one person is better than the other, sometimes, they are just different.

In your case, there is nothing wrong with your fiance being as close to his family as he is. There is also nothing wrong with you not feeling the same way about it.

Therefore, you are not compatible. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Just admit that you are not compatible, and move on.

The only mistake you can make at this point, is getting married to someone that you know you are not compatible with and then having to go through a divorce later, or even worse, sucking it up for the rest of your life, while pretending that everything is okay. It's not genuine or real, don't do it.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics