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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]... 1) [b]We are all that my DH's parents have 2) FIL is basically a saint 3) MIL is disabled. [/b]...

I find this really, really sad.  On top of this they don't ask much of you.  Have you truly tried to get to know them, especially MIL?  Ask questions about her past, her childhood, etc., in an attempt to really know where she is coming from.

Sad.

[/quote]

As a permanently physically disabled person this bolded part makes me sick. So basically you can't find anything in common with a handicap person?  And you don't like. Ice or saintly people.  Jesus.  But it's ok because you are admitting t.  So your feelings are valid and alright. What's next? I do t have anything in common wth black people?  How is being handicap different?

And you feel the relationship is one sided because they want to be grandparents and see their grandkids but you don't ask them for anything so how can there even be any kind of a two way street.  The saintly yet crippled IL duo probably knows there is tension, probably knows you dont like them, and they don't know what to do and try not to bother you.   So you dont like them for frankly particularly bigoted reasons and yet hold them to impossible to meet standards and want an anonymous forum to OT you on the back and say "good job for owning your feelings, wow, you're so rave"

What I saw to you is I feel incredible sorry for your children. Who are learning FROM YOU, that family is t important, that compassion isn't important, that selfishness and self centeredness trumps being mildly inconvenienced or uncomfortable, that it's ok that handicap people make you uncomfortable so it is better not to be inconvenienced by having to see them(an attitude by the way wildly accepted in the late 70s by the medical profession and because of which my parents were widely encouraged to lock me away in an institution), that empathy isn't an important human trait to possess, I could go on.  How you would you feel if your child told a handicap kid "I don't like you because you're in a wheelchair.  No cripples can come to my party.   I am not friends with disabled kids.  Go away."

OP needs some serious sensitivity training and therapy. So does her DH.  Because in a blink of an eye everything could be so different. You could become sick or handicap or eventually you will actually become old.  What have you taught your children?  Who will want to be around YOU then?  Think I am being hard on you, too bad.  Grow up, your poor ILs and poor children. [/quote]

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