Reply to She bad mouthed me to my husband and he's angry and weirded out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I totally get that. The way he found out was really *hitty I know.

He's also upset that i did what he views as stuff that doesn't interest me in doing with him which he takes as a sort of insult or something. Anyway this has just spiralled

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This is the essence of it and was my first immediate reaction when I read the first post (without even seeing your later elaboration). For men, sex is elementally the most important way that a woman expresses her attraction for him. You were willing to do things with those other men that you wouldn't do with him.  Of course you don't owe any act to anyone. But the fact that you were willing and interested in trying different things with other men and won't for him is something of course something that he takes as an insult.    This sends the message that  *they* were the ones that you were really interested in and and trying to please and he's kind of the reliable backup  schlub you had to settle for when things didn't work out with the men that really interested you.

[b]Let's put it this way-let's say that you were unhappy with the lack of romance and consideration in your marriage. He never remembered birthdays or planned dates or took you out. And you found out later that he had done all sorts of romantic gestures and date planning with his last five girlfriends. I doubt that you'd be like "Who cares? None of my business what happened before!" You'd probably take it pretty poorly.
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So listen to all the women on the thread who say "LOL! Men are insecure slut shamers. Tell him to go to hell"  See how well that goes for your marriage.
[/quote]

This is a really good analogy. *golf clap*[/quote]

I think it's a good analogy too, and as a woman, I will add that if there is some reason why you don't want to do sexually adventurous things with him, you should communicate about that. My husband and I have a great sex life, but it's not as adventurous as I'd been with previous partners. The thing is that I tried stuff with previous partners that I then didn't end up enjoying. I am happy to have sex with my husband every night, but I don't want to ever do anal again. I didn't enjoy it when I tried it before, and I don't want to do it again. If DH suddenly wanted to do that, I would tell him that while I've done it before, I didn't like it and don't want to do it again. You shouldn't be required to repeat every sexual thing you've ever done before simply because you've done it before. It has nothing to do with trying to please one partner and not giving a damn about pleasing DH. People should have conversations about what they are and are not into, but we have a hard time communicating directly about these things. DH and I have discussed the stuff that we both are and are not into, and fortunately for us, we are on the same page. I'm sure he would like if we tried anal together, but it's just not something I'm interested in doing again.

So while I agree with most of the post above, I think it also depends on why the OP isn't doing the adventurous stuff anymore. [/quote]

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