Reply to DH doesn't give me space when we argue

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[quote=Anonymous]Most of the fights are about little things tbh and do not escalate to this level, i probably should have used the word 'disagreements', they usually last a few minutes, and we move on 
f[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OMG! Op I think you just made me realized, in additional to other reasons, why I broke up with my ex. I think he was like you (shutting down and mute ) and I was like your husband ( speaking-up ). I actually learned something about myself from reading this thread. Note to self, I'm going to pay close attention to this type of behavior when I'm dating. I prefer a man that communicates like me and  doesn't shut down. [/quote]

This is a great point.

People are very different when they argue.

I have been saying this for years. Your husband's insecurities put him in a position where he can't relax until he knows that the argument is resolved, because he feels as though each argument is going to be the one that finally pushes you over the edge and you leave him. You walking away simply reinforces that.

However, you know yourself and know that when you are angry, that you can't have a rational conversation, therefore, you walk away.

You need individual counseling. He needs to work on his insecurities and fears. You need to learn how to communicate when you get angry.

Once you all can get those issues sorted out, then go to couples counseling to work on your relationship.

Although - I would argue that the only issue in your relationship is that you are opposites when it comes to fighting for your own personal reasons and[b] there is nothing wrong with your relationship [/b]itself. If you two can go to individual counseling and work on the issues that make you fight the way you do - it would intrinsically solve your relationship issues.

I was like this. I was the chaser - because of insecurity and fear. I did counseling on my own - and as I became more confident, less insecure, our relationship really became much better. I realized that it wasn't my girlfriend's responsibility to take care of me when I was feeling insecure - it was my responsibility to not be insecure.[/quote]

This is spot on, i completely agree with you. Thank you, -OP [/quote]

I can't agree with the bolded above. The fact that they are fighting so much shows there is absolutely something wrong...it's not JUST about their individual reactions to fighting...it's the fighting itself. What do you fight about? Arguing as much as you describe sounds like a really awful marriage.[/quote][/quote]

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