Reply to How to find a guy who will let me be a SAHM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do not want to have to struggle as I am trying to raise my children. It is important to me that I can be home with them and give them everything they need and deserve.

I want to marry a man who can be a good provider and is okay with me putting the children first.

What should be my game plan?

Do engineers make good husbands?[/quote]

OP, your premise is wrong. I've been a SAHM for 15 years, now.  Raising children is a struggle, and you cannot give them everything they need and deserve by being a SAHM, and conversely, not being a SAHM does not mean that you are depriving them of what they need or deserve.  I skipped all the replies because I recognize your statement was inflammatory so don't want to get into all that.  But here's a SAHM story for you:  Last year, my teen DD told me I was the maid.  "It would be different," she said, "if you had a real job outside the house.  But, your job is US.  Therefore you are, in reality, our maid."

Meanwhile, my working friend's kid gives her $hit that she's not around, working all the time.

But these are teens and they are going to push buttons.  I'm just saying that you trade one set of problems for another, sometimes you can't win!

Now, going with your question and trying to be helpful, it would be interesting to see where SAHMs met their DHs.  I met mine in law school and when we married, I had a pretty high-powered career.  The other SAHMs I know are all pretty educated and have former careers.  I hesitate to generalize, but I will say that in my circle that the couples met as equals, and two big careers left no time to actively parent, so the DW became a SAHM.  In my case, it was natural for me to be the one to stay home because my job involved lots of travel and I didn't want to be flying around when pregnant or leaving the newborn etc.

My friends who stayed FT with their careers all had family help (a mother, a MIL, a sister, an aunt and uncle).

Thinking of the DHs in my circle and my own DH, they met and married someone similar in terms of career, smarts, looks and age (about 2.5 years either way; I seem to know a few DWs who are older by about 2.5 years, including me.)

I do know one or two older DHs and their younger second wives, and these couples feel a bit different to me in that they don't feel similar in terms of educational background etc.  I don't want to say more because I don't know them well enough.

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