Reply to Thinking of encouraging a friend to give up custody of her kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. 
The new boyfriend has asked her to marry. He is in agriculture it isn't easy to move a farm.
She would be closer to her family if she moved. 
I think it is highly unlikely that her ex would take her up on the offer to keep the kids
Her ex is having fun with the control. 
My reasons for suggesting this are because I think she and her kids would be better off. 
She dated her ex since early college and has had no other serious boyfriend before this new one. 
I think that what could happen, is that by the time her youngest is 18, she will not have as many choices of suitable men, and could be lonely forever. Why? Because of this controlling fool she married. 
[/quote]

1) I get it as a tactic.  OP, can you be clear with us, are you suggesting it as a tactic, so your friend AND HER KIDS can end up with her BF on the farm, and if her bluff fails, she stays here with the kids, or are you suggesting that she leave her kids to find happiness?

2) I have a friend in this situation and she flys out and back when her ex has the kids, and is having a wonderful time.  All the fun of dating, and none of the responsibility of actually living with someone.

3) Don't subscribe to our youth-culture hype that only the young can find love, and that she'll miss her chance.  My mom and dad split up when I was 8.  She didn't date.  She started dating one man when I was 16 or 17 after asking me how I felt about it, and married him when I was 18.  She was 59, OP.  He died in 2011 and a couple years ago, when she was 89, the most handsome, sweet man, asked her to marry him.  She lamented that he was worth millions and millions of dollars, but she saw him only as a friend and would only marry for love.  It was a great lesson for my DDs, that Grandma would only marry for love.[/quote]

Your mother's situation is rare. 
Ex never has the kids for long enough for her to fly out. He always has an excuse. [/quote]

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