Reply to Thinking of encouraging a friend to give up custody of her kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. 
The new boyfriend has asked her to marry. He is in agriculture it isn't easy to move a farm.
She would be closer to her family if she moved. 
I think it is highly unlikely that her ex would take her up on the offer to keep the kids
Her ex is having fun with the control. 
My reasons for suggesting this are because I think she and her kids would be better off. 
She dated her ex since early college and has had no other serious boyfriend before this new one. 
I think that what could happen, is that by the time her youngest is 18, she will not have as many choices of suitable men, and could be lonely forever. Why? Because of this controlling fool she married. 
[/quote]

None of that matters.

What matters is that she cannot leave her children with an unfit caregiver so that she can chase a man.

I am usually one of the biggest proponents of divorced women prioritizing their own mental health and happiness and think that if they find a new partner, they should get married and live happily ever after, but what you are describing is absolutely crazy.

The appropriate way to handle this is that if she wants to move to the area where this man lives, she needs to petition for a custody modification. Most custody agreements have a section that at least refers to how relocation will be handled. She should refer to that section, hire a good lawyer, and come up with a plan. It won't be a fun plan. She will likely have to pay a lot to facilitate her kids visiting their father regularly. She will probably have to give up holidays and summer vacation. She may lose in the end and things will be WORSE. But what YOU are describing - that she threaten to give up custody and run away with a man - amounts to a game of chicken in which she stands a very real chance of leaving her children with someone who is described as a "controlling fool."

You need to stop giving this woman advice. [/quote]

I haven't given advice yet. At the end of it all, I hope she lets her her ex know that regardless of a court outcome, she will marry the new BF, and live with him. Why are people assuming that ex would be a bad father if the work ramped up. [/quote]

If the ex is a good father, then it's irresponsible of the mother to remove children from a joint custody situation so that she can pursue what I assume is an online romance with a farmer. Do not give ANY advice. This is not your business.[/quote]

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