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Reply to "Dying parent, hours away. How do you manage guilt of not being being there "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, OP, your post kind of freaked me out; I'm wrestling with something similar, albeit with my dad on a much abbreviated timeline (like the next 36 hours.) I'd say the following, obviously from a biased position: you cannot spend every waking moment with your parent no matter how imminent their death - I mean, you could, but it wouldn't be practical if you have kids, a husband, and a job, and I am not entirely sure it would be the most psychologically beneficial way to handle this (speaking from watching a sibling who has subsumed his entire life to our now dying father.) You can make their life, and their comfort in these final days, a very high priority. Pick some kind of frequency to see your mom - plan special things, depending on her physical and mental state. Bring her to your kids' events, so that they can cherish that memory of grandma at school or the soccer game. Build in time just to be with her, without festivities or responsibilities etc. I lost my mom after a long illness; I wish I could go back and find more time with her. But I also know that the stuff I remember most now were just the ordinary times we had together. You can't quantify that.[/quote] Are you not going to spend your father's last hours with him? [/quote] It isn't always clear when those last hours are going to be. [/quote] Stop. You aren't everyone and there are impediments. If I was told my dad had 36 hours to live, I'd be there for every last second of those 36 hours. Even if it stretched out to a week, I wouldn't leave his side. My dad is my world and it would be the least I could do to be there for him. [/quote][/quote]
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