Reply to SAHMs, how much money do you have in your own name that is not joint?

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[quote=Anonymous]Man. Women really can't win. If they dare want any money or independence on their own they are planning for divorce and aren't really in the marriage. But if they let DH handle it they are vulnerable and pathetic.

I don't think there is anything wrong or any "red flags" when a grown, educated woman wants to feel like she has some control over her finances. That is one reason I work. I have full faith in our marriage - I think we are one of about 10-20% of couples who have a good marriage after 10+ years (I think there are lot of crappy marriages in this country) but I like having some say in my finances. And no, DH is not controlling AT ALL but if I quit, he would be earning the money and it would be my earning power that would be slipping away.

The PP who thinks she will return to work after 26 years...or 16 years...or frankly 6 years....is delusional. 6 years maybe, but data shows you've lost substantial earning power that you likely won't make up no matter how long you work.

OP in your situation - it sounds like you feel the balance is way off. He works all the time, you work none of it. You do family stuff all the time and he is not part of that. Time to talk to your husband - and do some soul searching. If he scales back, are you willing to give up some of your luxuries? Downsize or move? You need to be honest. You can't have it both ways. Everything comes with a price. Personally it is a no brainer for me. We've made a lot of strategic career choices so we can both be home for dinner every night and not work weekends, and coach the teams and show up at school events. But in exchange we live in a small house and don't do a lot of vacations. [/quote]

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