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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't necessarily be there.  My cousin did a round the clock vigil at her mother's bedside while she was dying of cancer.  The moment when my cousin went the bathroom is when her mom expired.

Be there for people when they're alive.  We do the best we can when we're dying.  Do the best you can and forgive yourself.[/quote]

I was so glad to see your post.  I am a hospice nurse and I see this happen frequently.  I often caution families not to be hurt or offended if this happens.  Dying is a fiercely private event and some patients do not feel comfortable "letting go" until they are alone.  I try to help families interpret this as the patient's "final gift" to them.  A death vigil is not necessarily in anyone's best interest; every patient and family are different.  Also remember that you need to keep up your stamina because there is going to be SO much to do after your mom passes away which is physically and emotionally exhausting.  I am so sorry for what you're going through.[/quote]

Just want to echo this post.  I am a Hospice Minister and this is so common. Often the dying person will wait until a family member leaves the room, even if it's just to use the restroom or get a cup of coffee, to let go.  I think for some, they may be trying to relieve the suffering of those left behind.  For others, they can finally relax when no one is present.

OP, say your good-bye in the way that works best for you and your family.  Let go of any guilt associated with not being there at the moment of death.  The moments that mattered most happened over a lifetime.  You honor your mom by taking care of yourself and your family.

I'm really so very sorry. Holding you in prayer. [/quote]

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