Reply to Is it selfish to tell dw about an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Personally, I'd be beyond pissed if I found out about it years later. The one thing I truly hate is being lied to. However, I think most people would rather not know. Only you know your wife well enough to know which category she falls under. Obviously if there's a child or STD involved you need to tell her. [/quote]

What most people want is that their partner did not cheat on them.  But it's too late for that at this stage.

Once the cheating has happened, the telling or not telling (or finding out some other way) is going to either happen or not.  Any ill effects on the marriage from the telling, or not telling, is due to the cheating, and possibly the cover-up of the cheating--not from the finding out/not finding out.

Unfortunately, you can't unfuck a lady whore or a man whore (check the box for whichever applies).

There are no good choices for the cheater.  Tell, and you risk blowing up the marriage.  Don't tell, and you lose any hope of ever having an ethical honest loving relationship with your spouse--it's all a sham--and you can never make amends for what you did.

This kind of thinking--"should I tell or not tell"--should have happened BEFORE you put you cheated.

It amazes me that cheaters are such stupid people as to not even think about this AHEAD of time.  If OP had done that and thought about consequences maybe he wouldn't have cheated.

Why do you cheating morons think the rest of us DON'T cheat when the marriage gets stale or for whatever reason?  Not necessarily because we're paragons of virtue, because no one is.  It's because of things like this.  We actually think about the future i.e. dealing with the whole rest of our lives five seconds after getting our nut off in the whore and how unpleasant it might be to be in your position.[/quote]

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