Reply to Fiancee with moderate income insists on private school for daughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

[b]It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that[/b].[/quote]

You seem very focused on her income versus your income.  Be a team.  Not everything is going to be equal with your finances.  You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa.  You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers.  You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it  is a problem for your budget.  Don't make it about your money versus hers.  The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford. [/quote]

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that [b]the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making[/b].

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.[/quote]

Except that's not really true.  As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).  [/quote]
Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

[/quote]

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