Reply to SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

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Reply to "SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are more at risk when you are young. The older you are, the more assets you have accumulated and also the more likely you are to get alimony. [/quote]

Did you read? Even when you get alimony, it’s not enough to live on. Unless you’re married to a gazillionaire, you better continue working to protect yourself. [/quote]

I am not sure “working to protect yourself” isn’t a wholly depressing way to go about life though.  I don’t know that, even if something were to happen to my husband, I would trade the days I’ve had with my daughter away to be in an office so I’d be more financially stable in a hypothetical future. I say this from a place of relative privilege because I have family assets and a degree that would support me and my daughter comfortably if I did need to, but I[b] can’t imagine going to work every day thinking “I’m sacrificing time with my child so if my husband leaves me I’m in a marginally better financial position”[/b][/quote]

I'm a WOHM, but I have to agree with this.  It seems odd to spend most of your waking life protecting yourself against a future that might not happen.  It's kind of like doomsday preppers but with a greater time commitment and less fun.

If I were working for that reason, I might almost will a divorce to happen just so that it will have been worth it.  
[/quote]

So why do you work then? Because deep down, you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce and you don't want to be a divorced woman with no resume, no updated skills, and no earning potential.[/quote]

No.  Not at all.  I work because I like the work, think it’s important, like the extra money, and like getting out of the house and leaving my husband to deal with the kids.  
I also don’t work in an industry where my skills would suddenly be useless 5 years from now, leaving me with no earning potential.   Nor will they ever be worth five times what they are now, leaving me earning $60k when I could have been earning $300k if I had stayed in for ten years.  (By the way...this all sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.  In theory, if everyone makes $300k+ after ten years, and most people have a 40 year career, then there should be 3x as many people making $300k in your industry.)[/quote]

So it seems to me that women who don’t enjoy their work are more likely to lean out and go the SAHM route. But if like you, find work meaningful and want a different identity, then they’re more likely to continue working for a professional identity.[/quote]

Is this a man?  Is this how you think women think?
What a self-serving and narcissistic view of motivation for action.  
No.  These are not the reasons a woman who is a wife and a mother might choose to work or SAH.[/quote]

No offense but I also think some women are lazy and prefer to SAH. SAH is an option for women unlike men. [/quote]

That’s interesting.  Maybe this explains why I work with so many more lazy men than lazy women.  The lazy women are staying at home :).  The men bring their laziness into the office.  (They also tend to stay there late pontificating about nonsense in order to skip out on dinner/bath/bed with the kiddos).  [/quote]

What kind of work do you do that offers so much downtime? I don’t like kids myself so I can understand why they’re trying to get out of it 😀 [/quote]

Ha!  I’m a doctor at an academic hospital.  There isn’t a ton of downtime during the day, but you can hold the Med students and residents hostage “teaching” for any amount of time.  [/quote]

I think someone who can train to be a doctor isn’t going to be very stimulated by dealing with small children. So many people like the idea of having their own kids but not the daily grind.[/quote]

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