Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone I know who got divorced as a result of cheating and were actually able to move forward with their own lives, take advantage of the new situation and get over the betrayal in a healthy way have no desire for the kids to know the details surrounding the reasons for the divorce, infidelity or otherwise.  Healthy, well adjusted people who aren’t living in the past can clearly see how the knowledge of the details could negatively impact the kids.  And it should be all about the kids.  My XH cheated- after a few years of massive amounts of anger and grief I was able to move forward.  I love my new life and I’m happy for him with his new life as well.  Kids are thriving, I never talk bad about him and to my knowledge he does the same.  I don’t hate him.  I wouldn’t be where I am now if he hadn’t cheated.  And I have a really, really good life.[/quote]

I think this is normal and what most people think of when they tell their kids they are divorcing because of an affair as well. It's just this one daughter of a mother and cheater who is telling people how awful it was to know but that's because it went on and on and wasn't just a one time conversation.  But if you have older kids have you really just told them that you guys split up because you didn't get along? It just seems very fake and I think confusing to the children because they probably did see you getting along for the most part since cheating is secret. That is the discussion. Whether to tell them ever.[/quote]

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