Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote][b]I am of course raising my kids with basic knowledge of how relationships work, and the importance of understanding the core needs of your partner,[/b] and the probable consequences if you stop meeting their core needs. My kids are reasonably smart, not geniuses, but they would pretty much agree with everything I've posted on DCUM.[/quote]

There is NO WAY your kids would ever agree that it's ok for you to cheat on their mom.  No way.  This is just another one of the lies you tell yourself.[/quote]

My kids understand the basic concept that willfully ignoring your partner's core/legitimate relationships needs does do not (magically) make those needs go away, but instead these are filled through some other means. Au contaire: it is YOU who are telling yourself lies. If I pretend you do not exist, does that make it so?[/quote]

I am raising my children with an idea about how relationships work and those ideas about relationships include transparency, honesty, equality and consent.  I am not raising my daughter to be someone else's sex slave.  I am not raising my son to expect sex from his wife at his demand.  Sex, even in marriage, has to be consensual.  Lack of sex, by contrast, is not always consensual.  I can choose not to sleep with you even if you don't agree to that.

Yes, it might be that if my kids no longer want to have sex with their spouse, that the relationship might be at an end.  I am raising them to be honest and transparent and skilled enough to verbally negotiate the parameters of a new relationship -- whether it be a marriage in which the partners agree to no longer be monogamous or agree to divorce, etc.

My goal is not to raise my kids to preserve a marriage above all else.  That leads to abuse. [/quote]

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