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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone was was dressed in casual, jeans, kakis normal casual Thanksgiving attire. Host's made their exaggerated entrance wearing a sleeveless floor length gown (it's 20 degrees in the midwest) and her husband a suit. (She usually carries her husbands balls in her purse so he has no say even though he's the smart one). They are legends in their own mind. This spans decades.

The constant bragging about their daughter making the entire meal herself was too much."Everything was made from scratch." "She's SOOO GIFTED." And how tired she was getting exhausted hugs from her siblings. WE WERE ALL HUNGRY. There was turkey, rolls, and cranberry that's pretty much it. There wasn't much too eat or too many choices really. But host has an eating disorder so the rest have to starve too. [/quote]

My SIL is a dress-up-for-thanksgiving gal, too. Sequined dress and tights, she made BIL wear a suit and tie and dress shoes. These are people who work blue collar jobs, think pharmacy tech and landscaper.

She actually had the audacity to ask DH "why are you dressed so sloppy? It's thanksgiving!" DH was wearing a nice flannel shirt and jeans and moccasins, at thanksgiving, in his own mother's house, where nobody dresses up. DH said, "well I wear a tie to work, so I'd rather be comfortable at home."

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You know you’re coming off as really snobbish, right? Maybe people with more casual jobs like the idea of dressing up for the holidays. Some families do. I mean, she was rude to chastise your DH for being “sloppy,” but you sound classist. [/quote]

Better to be classist than to be classless enough to badger someone in their own home about their sartorial choices.

DH didn't say that to be mean. She asked him why he was dressed "so sloppy" and he answered honestly.

Throughout the dinner, SIL made a ton of comments about how MIL was doing everything wrong and needed to do things like "use a classier tablecloth" (she meant buy a shiny paper one from party store vs heirloom tablecloth) and how she should have just used all disposable paper products for serving/eating instead of the fancy family china plates, and how MIL should just pick up all the food from a caterer next time instead of "wasting all day cooking" (MIL takes a lot of pride in her cooking and it's good.)

I don't know if it's a social class issue or a SIL issue--I cannot imagine showing up as a guest in someone's home and criticizing the heck out over everything in a super concern-trolling kind of way.[/quote]

I think it’s probably just awkwardness and a weird class thing. I grew up poor but our family was of the background and era where you could and did save for beautiful linens, cooked really well from scratch, and spent the little money you did have on holidays and hosting- so things like serving ware, silver, and china were used and considered a way of sharing what nice things you had with everyone who came through your door. My grandparents’ goal was always to save for the nicest thing that could last the longest. But so much of their leisure time and now ours is spent on upkeep, maintenance, caretaking, and the extra effort needed to use and clean special things.

My SIL grew up with much less and was  poor in a different way. Her family really aspires to conveniences after a hardscrabble life. Disposable things, new pretty things every year from wal-mart and Amazon, and not having to do dishes is considered a worthy and aspirational goal. They’ve had to move a lot and had some houses wrecked by various disasters and crises, so having nice things to pass down isn’t really a positive- it’s more of an overwhelming burden.

Both perspectives are just a different way of looking at having more money and leisure, but it’s jarring if you’re coming from one background or the other and experiencing it for the first time. I don’t think either side can see eye to eye on this because it’s so personal and complicated.[/quote]

Thank you for taking the time to write this out.  My family is the former and my husband's is the latter and I have always found it very wasteful.  I'm going to look at it in a new, kinder way - truly appreciate this insight. [/quote]

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