Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP.

I’m a SAHM now, but worked for many years (had nannies / Au pairs). SAHMs, please stop using this phrase!  It makes you sound so dumb!

Maybe there’s a disconnect on what “raising” means here. I think some people are using it interchangeably with “caring for”. To me, “raising your kids” means:

- financially providing for them (as a family unit, not that a mom needs to have an income)
- overseeing their education
- overseeing their health needs
- overseeing their social development
- celebrating milestones / holidays with them
- being there for them emotionally and physically 
- making sure their needs are met

So yeah, I think most moms are “raising their kids”. [/quote]

Everyone knows what someone means when they say they didn’t want a stranger providing at least half or the majority of care for their kids (I did the math and if you take 25 vacation/sick days a year, all 11 holidays off, and spend every weekend with your child - no time away - and you have a nanny or use daycare 9 hours a day and your child sleeps for 11 hours every night you are providing care during 49% of daytime hours; this is based on the assumption that most people work an eight hour day and national commuting avg of 26 min commute each way). Sorry, if someone is with your child for 51% of the time between 6:45-7:45 during the day they are doing a lot or actually the majority of many of the things bulleted above. I work and I’m genuinely not bothered by this because I’m not super defensive and I’m self aware. I also know how to do math. You should try all of the above. [/quote]

Just pointing out that your math is off, since kids sleep when the nanny is there too (say 2 hours).[/quote]

My third is 15 months and never napped. My two older kids stopped napping for more than 45 minutes by 12 months. If you take an hour away for napping, you’re still edging toward 50%. But please do all the math yourself and write out your assumptions. It’s eye-opening. I work from home and our nanny still works nine hours a day. Maybe it’s because I live in NYC and the vast majority of working moms are RTO or have jobs that require longer hours, but our nanny works way less than most nannies. Most of our friends have nannies from 7-7. But we all acknowledge how difficult the work is and how important it is. None of us are delusional enough to think that the task of caring for children, including our children, is stupid or mindless. And if that’s how you feel when you’re parenting your kids will feel that too. Our nanny makes $75K and my oldest is in school from 7:45-2:55 during the week and my middle child is in school from 8:00-11:30.[/quote]

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