Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What exactly are you proposing OP? Are you going to be the one checking on your mother or does that fall to your wife? Will whatever you propose alter the evening routine for your wife?[/quote]

+1  The fact that he keeps using "we" blur the fact that he's asking [i]her [/i]to do this is sketchy, and that he would even start this thread scapegoating his wife when it's his sister at fault is worse yet.  Add in the way OP refuses to answer any question about his sister's spouse and there's nothing to say but #teamwife.[/quote]

That's not what he has said.  He said she won't agree to pay for extra childcare so he could do it.  [/quote]

Op here

This is correct. My wife does not want to pay our sitter an extra $40/day (we pay her $20/hr for after school care) so that I can spend 2-3 hours with my mom in the afternoon.

[b]Im off at 3, but my parents live 1 hour from my work. I would get home around 5PM, my wife gets home at 6. Normally we had a sitter pick our kids up from school and watch them until I got home at 3:30. But we would now need them to watch the kids from 7-5:30. My parents live 1 hour from my house. 
[/b]
My wife does not like my sister in general. She is married to an alcoholic and his behavior at holidays has been terrible. He is completely useless and can’t be trusted to watch his mother in law. My sister has spent many nights at our house with her kids, saying she’s going to leave him but she never does. I think my wife kind of lost it after she helped my sister get set up with counselling and a plan to leave and she never followed through:

My wife is a social worker and is vehemently opposed to the idea in general. [/quote]

I can't tell if you're kidding or not with this comically optimistic schedule.  You live an hour from your parents so you're planning to drive an hour to check on your mom from 4-4:30, high five your dad when he gets home and leave immediately (I call unlikely), drive an hour in rush hour traffic to get back by 5:30 (see how this is all wishful thinking), and relieve the nanny at 5:30 instead of 3:30?  What's it going to cost you when you don't beat your wife home and the nanny has to stay until 6?

And the dinner that you probably usually prepped if not made because you got home in the afternoon - whose job is that now?  The nanny?  That's going to cost you more than $20/day.  What about the days your sister decides not to check in because she said 1 or 2 days a week and you're off work anyway?  Will the nanny cover those on short notice?

Your wife is defending her boundaries because your family keeps violating them.  You're saying $40/day but it's also 10-15 hours more per week of your kids in childcare instead of with a parent, upending your weekday routine, and YET AGAIN bending over backwards because your sister sucks.  [/quote]

Op is being optimistic about returning by 5:30pm and the sister not dumping more days on him as time passes.[/quote]

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