Reply to Wife refusing to pitch in with help with aging mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Team Wife here.  Your mom provided thousands and thousands of dollars worth of free childcare to your sister.  (Say, 2 kids x 5 years each x $16,000 = $160k at a minimum).  She can pay for a service now. [/quote]

Best post so far. [/quote]

Nope.  Mom agreed to do that for FREE.  If my kid takes a job paying 8 bucks an hour, I can't years later decide that he was actually supposed to be paid $18/hour.  It doesn't work that way.

Plus, you have no clue what SIL was doing for her mom in exchange for the babysitting.  Regardless, it must have been a mutually agreeable arrangement of the time.  And, no, Op doesn't "get" anything out of it now.[/quote]

There are consequences to treating your children unequally. You want to favor one set of grandkids, go ahead but don’t be surprised if you set up this type of dynamic. [/quote]

Exactly.  This is one factor among many why OP’s wife is the clear headed one.  That one lady who keeps on popping up to defend the SIL also has some interesting views about how wome should be the caters, should be taking care of these family matters.  Definitely team wife.  OP needs to check on the status of his marriage and check for resentment.  
[/quote]

I absolutely do not believe that women should be labeled the caregivers of the family.  I SAID that the adult children, in this case Op and his sister, are EQUALLY responsible for helping their Dad out during this time of crisis.  This is a crisis which you handle by helping Dad to get a more permanent solution in place.

[b]MIL lived close to the sister and I'm sure that made daily interaction with the sister's kids easy and very doable.  That doesn't mean that it's now sister's job to 100% take on the eldercare of a very sick parent.  [/b]

Unless Op's wife had a daughter like relationship with her MIL (apparently not the case), Op's wife does not need to feel obligated to play a role in the direct care of her MIL.  That is her husband's job.[/quote]

What??? So, MIL living close to the sister explains why she could help with childcare. Yet, the sister lives just as close to her mom but can’t provide more than one (maybe 2) check ins a week??? How does it make sense for the brother who lives far away to be the one shouldering the bulk of the visits? He has to drive one hour each way after work whereas the sister lives nearby.

Please explain the logic, because this makes no sense.

[/quote]

They are helping their overwhelmed father take care of their mother while keeping a roof over his own head. It benefits no one for Dad to lose his job and possibly his own physical and mental health.  This is damage control and, yes, Op needs to step up. [/quote]

And why not the sister of OP? If I were OP's wife, I would ring that *beep* up and chew her out for being such a user. It's not going to sound politically correct, but I am the type who wouldn't do anything unless the other person is also pulling their weight. That is what is grating on OP's wife. Childcare history aside, she sees that it's entirely on HER and DH to help when the MIL actually has TWO live and able-bodied children. SMH.[/quote]

You are a terrible DIL and no one would WANT you to help out.  Relax.  The one who needs to be helping is the son of this woman.  Just because he's a boy doesn't mean that he's off the hook.  I don't care how much his wife twists herself into a knot to say otherwise.[/quote]

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