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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This again guys? Look, we know there are some men out there who do 50% or more. But they are rare. Actual, objective research time and time again shows women do more domestic labor even if they also work outside the home. The whole “default parent” thing is true for many of us.

What resonated most for me on the list is the freedom men have to just assume the mom will handle things. Even if the dad does some of the things on that list 9/10 the mom has set it up or monitors it in some way. I happen to have an extreme version of default parenting that has led to divorce. At the end of the day, it was his complete freedom vs my complete lack of freedom that really soured me, more than the actual work I had to do. Time and time again, being treated like the maid, chef and nanny as he just … walked out the door to do whatever tf he wanted to do … really got demoralizing [/quote]

You married a dud. The majority of the dads in our social circle are very involved. The moms also work. But in our group, a dud like your husband would stand out. Our bus drop offs and pick ups are at least 50% dads, and many families alternate days like ours does. Dads take kids to events as much as moms do. In fact, the dads take the kids on an annual camping trip. The moms also go on a trip...without the kids. We have a lot of neighborhood parties/events and more often than not it's the dads setting them up and doing the work. I don't doubt that these 1950s-era households still exist in the US, but they are also a relic of the past for many people. [/quote]

Dp. These are signs that Dad is involved, not that they do 50/50. There’s a ton of day to day chores you’re not seeing.

By your standards, my DH would appear to do 50/50. In reality, he does not. Far from it. DH is not NT, and so our situation is not one of a dud Dad. But even if he was, showing up to events or volunteering, even pickups does not give you a full picture for any one family [/quote]

Ok, but these people are also my friends, so I know more than what I see at the bus stop. We have at least two families in our group where the dads are the primary parent. Both spouses in those families work (in fact, pretty much all our friends have two working spouses). I mean, if you're going to argue that the only family I can really know is my own, then fine. My husband is an equal partner and nothing like the dads envisioned in that article. [/quote]

OK? My husband is not an equal partner. We are UMC, I have a graduate degree, and he attended an Ivy. Among our friends with similar jobs and education, I can only think of one where the man is the primary parent. I can think of several where the woman has a higher paying and more demanding job and she is STILL the primary parent. I know tons of well educated, professionally ambitious women who struggle with balance in their marriages, and whose husbands still kind of claim that their job is more central and important despite zero evidence. On balance, the families who can outsource more seem to have better marital harmony, because they are paying someone (in most cases a woman) to do the work that they might otherwise argue over.

The most egalitarian couple I know is divorced. But they split everything 50/50!

Your experience is not everyone's experience.[/quote]

If you have the time, energy, and mental bandwidth to investigate and analyze the intimate details of the marriages of the “tons” of professionally ambitious women that you know, then your job is clearly not demanding and you are not working nearly as hard as you pretend to be, either at work or at home.  Being the neighborhood and office busybody is not actually work.[/quote]

Then this also applies to the PP who posted repeatedly that she and everyone she knows has a totally committed, 50/50 marriage with no issues, and therefore this phenomenon of men who use privilege to escape doing childcare/housework could not possibly exist.[/quote]

Who said that?[/quote]

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