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Reply to "Are we wrong for not allowing the kids to attend?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In a way you might be doing that 12 year old a huge favor. 12 years old in a room filled with adults they mostly don't know is not REALLY going to be a celebration for them, anyway, imho. I mean, I can understand the parents feeling upset and wronged, etc., but in reality the kid might have more fun at home.[/quote] Okay. Tell yourself that. If the 12 year old didn't want to come she wouldn't. Not inviting her is an insult, not a favor.[/quote] Is anyone supposed to feel bad that a 12 yr old is insulted they didn't get invited to an adult party?[b] I mean, she's not an adult. We aren't equals [/b]and I don't need a 12 year who isn't my child dictating my wedding choices. Thems the breaks. I'm pretty sure said child has had birthday parties that didn't always include me either, and that's perfectly fine by me.[/quote] I support your right to have a childfree wedding but this sentiment is not helping your argument. 12 year olds are people, people at a tender age at that. I can completely understand how an event for adults 18+ would not include a 12 year old, but for me your statement really validates the perspective of the person offended that you excluded her tween. It’s almost like you don’t care about her family. Oh, wait…..[/quote] My relationship is primarily with the parents, not the kids. The kids also aren't invited to adult book club meetings, nights out, mom's weekends away, and many other things that are adults only. Our relationship isn't remotely the same. The kids would be invited to the backyard BBQ or pizza and movie night. But if your very special 12 yr old isn't asked to be in the wedding as a jr bridesmaid or flower girl, then no, they really aren't all that important, and that should have been obvious before the invitation arrived.[/quote] Grandma in law is also not invited to any of those events, or to your bachelorette party, and yet it would be offensive not to invite her to a milestone life event like the wedding. The 12 year old is a valuable member of this family, that’s why they all think it’s a travesty. [/quote] So you agree that not all parties include every one every time? Good to know. Value isn't assigned by how many events you get invited to as seen with Grandma In Law.[/quote] That’s correct not all parties include everyone but there is significance to events. It’s not offensive to not include your out of state sibling to your kid’s birthday annual party or your weekly book club, but it is offensive to exclude them from a family Thanksgiving dinner. It is bizarre that this has to be explained. [/quote] What is offensive is in the eye of the beholder. The people hosting the event are in charge of how they want to celebrate their milestone. Maybe they want just nuclear family, maybe just parents, maybe everyone with whom they share a drop of blood, maybe everyone they've ever met, maybe it is meant to be a quiet adult affair, or maybe they want a wild rumpus. The point is that it is their milestone, their celebration, and their budget. Gracious people -- invited or not invited -- respect their wishes and make their own decisions about whether or not to attend. Not gracious people choose to take offense because they think their own wishes come before the people whose celebration it is, and look for ways to retaliate. The fact that OP has a family that includes such ungracious people doesn't mean she needs to sacrifice her own milestone to unreasonable demands -- and appeasement of ungracious people usually just sets a precedent for continuing and increasing demands. When it's not your celebration, the right thing to do is to let it be. When it is your celebration, you'll get to invite whoever you wish.[/quote] This is a really excellent post. Nicely stated, pp.[/quote]
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