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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was in my late twenties when my dad had a baby, and I don’t get all the hate, honestly. It’s not like I was trying to spend a ton of time with him by that point anyway; we lived in different states and even if we’d been physically closer I was more inclined to be going out and having fun, visiting occasionally or for holidays. I definitely was not spending a weekend a month with my dad in my twenties! I also wasn’t counting on some grand inheritance. You guys sound like you are looking at it from the point of view of a cheated on first spouse, but I didn’t feel that way. I thought it was kind of a dumb move at that age, but whatever, wasn’t my life. [/quote]

I’m not a second or first wife or a child, but I imagine it’s in part because people see how messed up the second generation of kids usually ends up being in these situations. It’s hard to watch an innocent child get so messed up. [/quote]

How are the second set messed up?  They are growing up with two parents in a hopefully loving home.  In our situation, mom cheated, choose to leave dad to live with the AP so it wasn't Dad's choice.  She got to move on.  He fully supported her and the kids despite how poorly she treated him.[/quote]

I don’t know how they get messed up, just that they do get messed up. Drugs, disaster in the teen years, etc.

I mean for basically every family I know in this situation, the kids in the second round end up being disasters. It’s honestly really sad. [/quote]

You sound bitter and that’s absolutely not true.  In our situation the first round it pretty messed up.  [/quote]

I’m not at all bitter? I come from parents with a long and happy marriage, and have been happily married myself for over twenty years. None of my siblings are divorced, my husband’s siblings aren’t married. I mean there is nothing for me to be bitter about, I guess. But what I am saying is that over the years I’ve known several families in this situation and universally the kids in the second family are messed up. Sorry my reality bothers you so much but I am only reporting on what I’ve seen play out multiple times.

How old are your kids? You sound super defensive and I have to guess it’s because your kids are still young. [/quote]

Crazy, your reality. Usually the first round kids have abandonment and daddy issues, entitlement issues, failure to launch issues, etc.  It's all over this thread. [/quote]

It’s pretty common. Idk why you are so freaked out about people pointing it out. Kids of second marriages get messed up. It’s a known thing. I thought everyone knew that.

That doesn’t mean the first round aren’t messed up too. Just that the second round start at a serious disadvantage from the beginning because of their family structure. It is quite sad to watch. [/quote]

Disadvantaged?? My kids live at home with two parents who love them. They attend private school. Their dad coaches their sports teams and reads to them nightly because he has time for that stuff now.  They are close to their cousins who are the same age and live nearby.  They have fully funded 529 plans.  DH and I both have advanced degrees and make multiple six figure salaries before bonuses.  They are close with their grandparents. 
 We vacation together as a family.  We go to church.  We ski together a lot.  Now, DH fully acknowledges that he did a poor job parenting his adult kids - he was in an unhappy marriage and working 70 hours a week at the time.  But he owns it and he's learned his lesson and he's grateful for a second chance.  DH is an older dad but there are actually a lot of them in our kids' private school.   Anyway, maybe our kids will have some challenges in life but I'd say the odds are in their favor at the moment. [/quote]

He owns it how? How has he made amends with the kids he admits he failed?[/quote]

Clearly he isn’t allowed to vacation with them alone.[/quote]

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