Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gaslight the whole family. Base family history on lies and secrets, what could go wrong?[/quote]

You can keep calling it this but that doesn’t make it true. Of course sometimes it’s true but again the problem is generally terrible parenting not the decision to give your children age appropriate information[/quote]

It’s exactly what it is. Spending your time, money, and mental space on another person that is not your spouse or child is not good parenting, nor is it putting your children first. That’s why people keep affairs secret. Affairs are wrong, so cheaters scurry around in the shadows and hide their actions and activities. They know it’s wrong so they hide it. Then, when they are found out, they want to further hide what they’ve done, so they pretend it’s something nobody should talk about. Meanwhile, the kids are not first and now the lives of the kids are torn apart and it’s considered improper to tell kids the truth about their family and their lives.

Cheaters on this thread clearly show they don’t understand their children deserve truth and honesty, and that’s why the cycle of abuse continues. Cheating is abuse, it’s lies, it’s selfishness.

Basing a family history on lies, outright lies or lies of omission, to cover up what a parent has done to destroy a family, is wrong. [/quote]

Here what our truth would be. My honesty to my kids:

Kid one was born with special needs. He zapped all of our energy, especially in his first ten years. We had a second easier kid but between the two we mistakenly left no time for us. We both share blame in that.

We tried to rekindle but my wife eventually made clear she just couldn't get into a mental space with me to enjoy intimacy. We eventually tried scheduling it once a month to make sure it happened but it was still awkward. I eventually stopped initiating and she was fine with it. We went 3 years in a sexless marriage.

I found a woman who was actually interested in me for me and what started as mutual affection grew physical. I slept with her before ending my marriage which was wrong but was the catalyst I needed to realize wife and I shouldn't force this anymore.

So is this all appropriate to tell the kids? Or just DAD IS A EVIL Cheater!![/quote]

Did you discuss with your exW that you wanted an open marriage and how she would look at it? And after that what, she still didn't want to work on sex life or do a lipo?

Did you put all your assets into a trust for your children to inherit. or the nice woman who likes your sex will get 50% and will birth you another "healthy" baby? 
You are disgusting: my exH also cheated as I was all tied up with our autistic son at home, taking care of multiple family businesses. Maybe you did try to go therapy with your exW, but my exH didn't. He just live a parallel second life.[/quote]

I transferred 100k each to each kids college account before I announced we are separating and my ex was mad about it. She wanted the money to go to her.

I have a girlfriend, nothing serious, and I imagine most of my money will go to my kids. Sorry your exDH didnt put his kids first. [/quote]

Why couldn’t you just continue sleeping with GF without imploding your kids life ? Seriously, you broke their lives over sex! And nobody would divorce if it wasn’t serious dont lie.

$100k is not sufficient for a good college it’s nothing .

Your GF is in for it for your money, silly you ! [/quote]

The pattern I see on here is women don't owe their DH sex and if he isn't content being sexless, he is the monster for leaving her.  [/quote]

If either husband or wife doesn’t feel their sexual needs are being met in marriage, they should have a conversation with their spouse and try marriage counseling. They should tell their spouse they need more sex and if that doesn’t happen, they will file for divorce. They should not find a new sexual partner while still married, and secretly have sex with that new partner while staying married. That’s called cake eating. You want your marriage and sex on the side.

Nobody has to stay married. Divorce happens. But get divorced before you find a new sexual partner. Also, your spouse might say, go ahead, have affairs, I am ok with that. That’s up to him or her. But consent by both partners is necessary.

[/quote]

If either husband or wife doesn’t feel their sexual needs are being met in marriage, they should have a conversation with their spouse and try marriage counseling. They should tell their spouse they need less/no sex and if that doesn’t happen, they will file for divorce. They should not unilaterally cease intimacy while still married, and deny their partner the ability to have sex while staying married. That’s called cake eating. You want your marriage with no sex.

Nobody has to stay married. Divorce happens. But get divorced if you don’t want a sexual partner. Also, your spouse might say, go ahead, we don’t need to have sex, I am ok with that. That’s up to him or her. But consent by both partners is necessary.[/quote]

Dude, I get you’ve been exposed, but give it up. You are bitter your wife uses a lot of energy taking care of your kids, whom you blame the birth of for your lack of sex. You are not a nice person to your children. They didn’t ask to be born or have special needs. [/quote]

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