Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gaslight the whole family. Base family history on lies and secrets, what could go wrong?[/quote]

You can keep calling it this but that doesn’t make it true. Of course sometimes it’s true but again the problem is generally terrible parenting not the decision to give your children age appropriate information[/quote]

It’s exactly what it is. Spending your time, money, and mental space on another person that is not your spouse or child is not good parenting, nor is it putting your children first. That’s why people keep affairs secret. Affairs are wrong, so cheaters scurry around in the shadows and hide their actions and activities. They know it’s wrong so they hide it. Then, when they are found out, they want to further hide what they’ve done, so they pretend it’s something nobody should talk about. Meanwhile, the kids are not first and now the lives of the kids are torn apart and it’s considered improper to tell kids the truth about their family and their lives.

Cheaters on this thread clearly show they don’t understand their children deserve truth and honesty, and that’s why the cycle of abuse continues. Cheating is abuse, it’s lies, it’s selfishness.

Basing a family history on lies, outright lies or lies of omission, to cover up what a parent has done to destroy a family, is wrong. [/quote]

Here what our truth would be. My honesty to my kids:

Kid one was born with special needs. He zapped all of our energy, especially in his first ten years. We had a second easier kid but between the two we mistakenly left no time for us. We both share blame in that.

We tried to rekindle but my wife eventually made clear she just couldn't get into a mental space with me to enjoy intimacy. We eventually tried scheduling it once a month to make sure it happened but it was still awkward. I eventually stopped initiating and she was fine with it. We went 3 years in a sexless marriage.

I found a woman who was actually interested in me for me and what started as mutual affection grew physical. I slept with her before ending my marriage which was wrong but was the catalyst I needed to realize wife and I shouldn't force this anymore.

So is this all appropriate to tell the kids? Or just DAD IS A EVIL Cheater!![/quote]

Did you discuss with your exW that you wanted an open marriage and how she would look at it? And after that what, she still didn't want to work on sex life or do a lipo?

Did you put all your assets into a trust for your children to inherit. or the nice woman who likes your sex will get 50% and will birth you another "healthy" baby? 
You are disgusting: my exH also cheated as I was all tied up with our autistic son at home, taking care of multiple family businesses. Maybe you did try to go therapy with your exW, but my exH didn't. He just live a parallel second life.[/quote]

I transferred 100k each to each kids college account before I announced we are separating and my ex was mad about it. She wanted the money to go to her.

I have a girlfriend, nothing serious, and I imagine most of my money will go to my kids. Sorry your exDH didnt put his kids first. [/quote]

You didn't transfer 100K to each kid: you diverted 100K from your exW and contributed only 100K of your own to one child. [/quote]

Actually in DC and Maryland the transaction would be interpreted as: each of you contributed $50k to each child through your contribution (the $100K of 50% martial assets that you had authority over).  And you diverted $100k  of marital  assets without her authorization[/quote]

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