Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Listen, simple questions: Q1:   will you make sure you won't divorce your wife later in life and keep her happy (as you state you do) all the time, even after your kids leave home?  [/quote]

You know so much about me and I know nothing about you.  I think it's only fair that you answer a question or two for all the questions I've answered.
Do you have an active libido where you still desire sex at least once a week?  Not duty sex but where you actually want it?  If not, skip the rest of my questions and know that you are not qualified to ask me anything further. So don't.  If you are a sexless wife, you are not justified to ask me anything.

You do?  Great.  OK, does your husband share you interest in sex and do you have sex on a somewhat regular basis where you both enjoy it?

And now, your question, but only if you've answered in the positive so far.  Here is your scenario.  Kids are grown and out of the house. Congratulations.  You did a fine job.  It's just you and H with all kinds of time to get as loud as you like at night and run around in whatever you want.  BUTT...  Here is the big butt in all this.  H has decided he no longer wants sex.  Period.  Doesn't want to talk about it.  Doesn't think it's a problem.  No need to talk to anyone else about it.  Doesn't feel it should be a problem for you and you should just shut down your sex life, forever, like he has.
Will you make sure you won't divorce your husband later in life and keep him happy all the time, baring no resentment for his decision to shut down both your sex lives, even though you still want sex, perhaps more than ever now that your aren't getting it?

[quote=Anonymous]Q2:  Are you sure you won't have the "feels" for anyone else in the future? [/quote]

It's not possible for me to see into the future so the obvious answer is, no.  I can't be sure I won't get feelings for an AP.  But I do what I can to not go there.

[quote=Anonymous]If you are uncertain about either of these answers, you need to tell your wife and give your wife choices. [/quote]
Nope, you don't get to tell me what I NEED to do in my marriage.  Anymore than you would tell my wife that she NEEDS to go find her libido and try to save her marriage because, only a dumbass woman would think that not having sex with her husband is going to work out in the long run.  And, she isn't dumb.

[quote=Anonymous]You aren't doing right by her even though you state you are.  You don't value her at all.  It's a horrible way to treat your wife.  [/quote]

You're probably right.  Suppose I never cheated.  Just sucked it up another couple years with zero sex life and zero interest from her.  If you were advising her, as you so freely advise me, would you tell her the same thing?  Would you tell her that she doesn't value her husband, is treating him horribly, and should just get divorced because that's only fair to him?

I'll bet you don't answer my questions but I gave it a shot. [/quote]

I don't even know the question you're asking but I'll try based on what I understand (you keep on saying we don't answer your questions but we do).  I have the libido as you mention and often higher than him.  I will not cheat and will divorce before cheating if it ever comes to that.  I have too much respect for my husband.   He is an amazing man.

Problem in your scenario is that nothing changes for you now vs. in the future regarding sexlessness and so answering my questions now is the right thing to do.  You mentioned earlier that you may consider divorce in 10 years.  Why in 10 years?  If you're already considering it in that time, why not let your wife find someone else now when she's a bit younger and can find someone who's more respectful of her.  Your reason for not telling her isn't about what's good for her, it's about your selfish reason to stay in the marriage for your convenience now.   I guess it's easier for you while raising kids and sharing housework etc.  Does she work and so also brings in income while doing all of that?  This is so unfair to her that you cheat on her, don't want to tell her now because you don't want to divorce for 10 more years.  This is the crux of it for all of the cheaters:  they want a worker at home and new outside until hard part of life , raising kids and home and building career, is done.  This is the reality and truth which you try to hide behind blah blah blah commentary.  Give your wife her future now.  Don't hide your intent from her (even though you say you're not sure, you are already thinking that far out).  [/quote]

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