Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]If you're looking for an argument, I don' have one to give. I never said I am altruistic. My cheating is only about me and my desire to have sex. It has nothing to do with her except that she started this ball rolling by completely closing the door to sex. That is all about her just as this is all about me. My wants and happiness is not all that counts. I do what I can to keep her happy and by most every measure, she is happy. And she is very happy to never have sex again and to not have me make an issue of it anymore. Maybe she will come around some day and we can resume. I'm not counting on it but I'll be ready if it happens. The same if she even brings it up and says she wants to work on it. I'll stop cheating immediately and help work it out. There are zero signs of that happening but the door is always open. I'd still rather have sex with my wife than anyone else. Even half as much as I'm getting now. 
I'm not cheating her out of her future. She chooses a future that includes a sexless marriage and I'm dealing with that in my own way. I'm not cheating her out of anything in the present that she wants.[/quote]

Bluntly, you are a selfish, narcissistic axxhole. Men like you remind me how grateful I am to have a husband who is truly a good person with integrity as a partner and parent to my kids.  The bottom line is you have a massive character defect and that's all on you and has nothing to do with your wife or how much sex she is interested in having with you.  You are not a good partner or even parent, of course she has no interest in sleeping with you.  That's a result of your character defect, not the cause of it.[/quote]

This is how ALL normal men with normal libidos think. And lots of women with healthy libidos too would agree. Nothing wrong with his integrity. It’s really just YOU who are the anomaly, thinking that a spouse can stop having sex and still have a lasting monogamous marriage?!?!!   Nope. Any abnormal sexless spouse who “objects to cheating” must initiate divorce, otherwise it’s a de-facto DADT marriage just like PP has. His wife must be grateful for the affair partner responsible for saving their marriage.  [/quote]  I'm the A-hole you refer to.  To be certain, this is NOT a problem that only relates to men.  In my experience, there are an equal number of women dealing with this and they are so easy to find.  I don't agree that it's an automatic DADT marriage if you refuse sex to your spouse.  I think some spouses really are delusional enough to think they can pull that off and their spouse won't have the balls to do anything about it.  I don't think my spouse would be grateful to find I'm having an affair.  But I know she is relieved that I never bother her about our sexless marriage any more. That was stressful to her.  I also never hot on her, get physical with her, or make any moves that before she feared would just lead to me wanting sex that evening, only to be shot down.  [/quote]

The problem isn’t that you want sex.  Problem is that you’re doing it by cheating.  Can you just answer whether 1.  You will never leave your wife and keep her as happy as you say you keep her, even after kids leave home?  2.  Will you promise to not get the feels for anyone else outside of your marriage?  Unless your answer to both of the questions is an unequivocal yes, you are not doing right by your wife.  That is just selfish, a-hole thing to do.  You’re it doing her any favors and she’s happy under false pretense.  Man up and do the right thing:  tell her.  If she’s as happy as you say she is with the current situation, you may have an open marriage.  If not, you will have an awesome life with someone younger than you and you will have amazing sex that you want and you will have done the right thing. I just see you winning this in the end.  Just feel for your wife for marrying a coward.  Man up and do the right thing.  Give your wife her future with someone else who respects her and treats her like an adult.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics