Reply to What obligation, if any, do we have to older family members?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "What obligation, if any, do we have to older family members?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's very common for the most responsible and helpful family members to receive the least help. People assume you are self-sufficient, can do it fine on your own, and you did. Could you have used the help? 100%.

I think some people are just truly clueless despite their own circumstances: my in-laws had every sort of family help you can think of, yet never thought to help us at all in any way and were like your relatives, just having fun and sort of oblivious. My mil even brought it up as a compliment to me the other day: oh, you really did it all on your own! I wanted to say yeah, because I didn't have anyone offering any help!

That being said, it sounds like you are currently doing a lot (visit, keep in touch when not visiting). What specifically do you think they need? When my dh's grandparents were not able to drive anymore, we'd order their groceries for them every week. That was so easy for us to do, yet a huge help to them as they couldn't do it themselves.

[/quote]

The divide between takers and givers is very common in families. The takers enjoy it, rationalize it, expect it and get offended if no one is giving to them.  The givers feel obligation and guilt, keep giving and swallow their resentment. It’s a toxic dynamic.

To the OP and other givers, why do you feel any obligation when they certainly didn’t? [/quote]

Aside from occasional visits here or there and keeping in touch I’m not hearing anything extra that op has done for anyone.

I saw my aunts and uncles fairly frequently growing up. If I was in the area I saw them. I occasionally traveled for family get togethers and occasions. I never felt obligated to provide them with elder care in their advanced age. No way could I have taken that on. I had enough on my plate with my own kids and parents. Oh….and I never felt entitled to their money/an inheritance, either. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics