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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Depends.

For the PK3 lottery I think it's helpful for people to share their results and situations (like what they ranked highest, if they are wait listed) because everyone is new to the process and it's part of how you learn. But you should always be sensitive about it, especially if you "win" the lottery. Others won't, and if you are seen as gloating, they will get annoyed with you.

As kids get older people tend to be slightly more circumspect, especially because choosing to lottery often indicates dissatisfaction with the school other people's kids attend. Also middle school lottery in DC is stressful because there are simply not enough spots available as the schools a lot of people want and many people have very tough choices to make if they don't get a lottery spot for MS.

In HS you have application schools, plus at that point the kids are taking the lead on school preferences and you need to be thoughtful about how the kids feel (again, especially kids who don't get spots at their desired school).

The lottery is a good time to practice empathy, be observant about how your situation might differ from someone else's (for instance some people have really weak IB options do more may ride on the lottery for them), and learn to talk about kids in a non-competitive and mutually supportive way. This is far from the last time those skills will come in handy with other parents.[/quote]

Eh. I would say that this is an opportunity to begin the essential process of being less fixated on “wins” for your kid. You cannot really predict the future. I was devastated when my kid “lost” the K lottery but the IB school ended up being excellent for K. Similarly bummed to “lose” for MS but again IB worked really well. Believe it or not it is possible to be chill about this stuff and you do not have to be a constant maximizer. [/quote]

That's great for you but not everyone's IB works "really well." We were at out IB from PK3 though 2nd and it was a rough run for my kid, when we finally had lottery puck and got a spot at another DCPS.i wasn't "maximizing" to feel frustration and disappointment each year when we'd watch other families depart our IB, and the have to explain to our kid why a friend wouldn't be at our school anymore.

I bet your IB is a school a lot like where we ended up -- a good DCPS with an acceptable MS feed. I wish you understood how rare this is in DC.[/quote]

You misunderstand. I’m talking about people who think they need to take exaggerated steps to conceal or carefully share that they “won” the lottery. Same as I assume you didn’t go around talking constantly about how much you wanted to get out of your “bad” IB. [/quote]

I'm the PP who I think you identified as "maximizing" and I wasn't suggesting concealing lottery results. More I was suggesting sensitivity in situations where the people you are talking to might be facing tough decisions due to bad results. I have had friends text me excitedly with their results and "so how about you??" And would have preferred a more diplomatic approach. Obviously everyone finds out where everyone goes, but it's good to remember not everyone gets what hoped for.[/quote]

To me, this is a heartbreaking part about the lottery -- the "winners" and "losers." Especially as the kids get older and middle and high school pathways feels actually life altering.

As for the elementary school parents who are judgemental -- this is all because they are not completely sure they are making the right decision for their own kid. Whe you leave, it creates evidence that there is a better school than their current school and their kid may be missing out, and it feeds that feeling, which im sure feels awful. This all supports the plan of saying less to families to stay. Also, elementary school really isn't that high stakes, so staying is fine, and taking a better opportunity is also fine. [/quote]

+1 on the dynamics of telling your elementary school family friends about leaving for a lottery spot, we had to navigate this several years ago and didn't share the news for a while. Had a close-knit group that included the school's most active supporters. We didn't share details about why were leaving just said things like "a better fit." We found out after we left that more than a few had been secretly playing the lottery. Now that the kids are nearer to MS it is clear most of these families will leave the school before 5th, we just did it early.

Our kids were pretty small (early elementary) and we told them about the new school during the second half of the summer...absolutely would not have told them before they completed that final year at the old school, they would have been devastated. But they're thriving where we are now, and we still see families still going to our old school quite a bit. Even though it has been years we are still pretty mum about details on the differences between the schools (unless pointedly asked) because of the reasons PP says above -- it doesn't feel good to think your kid might be missing out on some of these things and the school we left has a lot of good features too.[/quote]

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