Reply to Secrets to remaining married to narcissist and keeping inner happiness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here - there is not just 1 kind of narcissist like some movie villain.  Mine can be very charming and fun, and there is a lot about him I genuinely love.  A lot of the top business leaders are narcisstic personality disorder, a lot of very successful people. Because there is a lot to love about their personalities and they have the “rizz.”   It can be hard being in an intimate relationship w them, though.

I am asking for strategies of how people made it work, not for making the other posters on this board feel badly about being in a relationship with a narcissist.[/quote]

Growing up in a dysfunctional home with a NPD parent will impact your children. Who cares about “rizz” in that context? [/quote]

Well, I can’t take out a hit, so my kids are going to grow up with both of their parents.  
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I’m shocked you married a narcissist given your self awareness and strong sense of agency. If you aren’t seeing a therapist specializing in family systems and attachment as well as personality disorders, I would strongly recommend it. [/quote]

Sorry for making a sarcastic comment on this forum.  But someone suggested that my children, who have two living parents, somehow grow up without one of them.  
I don’t really think they are suggesting murder, but what exactly is the suggestion?  I can’t speak for anyone else on this thread, but my husband has definitely promised to make my kids lives miserable if I leave him.  
[/quote]

My father made all our lives miserable and my mother stayed anyway - social stigma of divorce and she liked the extra cash.

I lived and breathed for the two months every summer I was sent to my maternal grandmother’s home to stay with her and my step grandad. They are the reason for all that is best about me, and my resilience.

I’m now 55 years old and I have no feelings of affection or respect when I think of my deceased mother from whom I estranged myself at 30 - she was still with my father and demanding I present myself to the family home for regular denigration by his lordship. Nope.

My mother and I were very close when I was growing up - I’m sure she thought it was all good. Truth is she made me her little counselor and she manipulated me in her lifelong struggle with my father. It was all very gross and in my 20s when I got away to college and independence, I started to really see BOTH my parents for who they were.

Just be aware that when you enable your narcissistic spouse in their negligence in the marriage and the parenting, you run the very real risk of losing your kids eventually. There are millions of adult children - including on this board - who finally broke off or are at very least grey rock with dysfunctional parents like this. And yes, when you stay and force your kids to be there 24/7, you ARE part of the problem.

I’m sorry for your plight and not being a jerk, just being honest. You should at very least get into therapy at some point with your kids when they are old enough and have that be a place where honesty happens. As of now it’s all a lie and kids eventually really resent that. [/quote]

Very insightful! These PPs should at least consider sending their kids somewhere healthy in the summer so they can get some perspective on how toxic their homes are.[/quote]

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