Reply to Secrets to remaining married to narcissist and keeping inner happiness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s very troubling to see so many folks seemingly unaware or dismissive of the impact on children of growing up with a narcissistic parent - and FYI, that doesn’t have to mean a full blown NPD which is rarer, but heavy narcissistic traits will prevent a person from providing a child with a positive experience of childhood and attachment.

Kids are adaptive and resilient and will do what they must to survive. That doesn’t mean the damage isn’t happening and that they won’t struggle with the fallout from it their entire adult lives nor that it won’t damage their ability to ever securely attach in adult relationships. Sadly in worst case they will become a narcissist themselves and visit this trauma unto your grandkids.

https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/narcissistic-parent/

Just don’t fool yourselves, you aren’t doing this for your kids. [/quote]

Play this out though: OP leaves. Her kids are with their NPD father 50% of the time, so they are still being exposed to his manipulation. One could argue at least OP has the chance to heal, but odds are better that her ex’s actions will bleed over to OP’s 50%.

The ex wants to destroy OP, and will do this through the kids. The kids be alienated from OP. She will spend 20% of her parenting time undoing the damage to her kids done by her ex. She will spend her resources on legal fees, trying to protect her kids or herself from her ex.

Maybe one day the kids will grow up and see who the problem is. Or maybe they will be narcissists themselves. Or maybe they will be so alienated from OP that they have no relationship with her.

By definition, a narcissist is not going to suddenly change his ways and be an amicable coparent when OP leaves. The kids’ fate was sealed when OP got pregnant. OP’s choice is to endure her husband but have her kids full time, or to leave her husband but still be controlled by him.[/quote]

Your spouse doesn’t want to parent 50% of the time. They’ll have a nanny do it or make a big deal out of 50/50 custody and then will always have other obligations. Your children are accessories to them. [/quote]

And OP is very much controlled by her husband and she’s teaching her children that avoidance and no repair are normal. By staying and silently participating she’s showing them the situation is normal. By allowing herself and her children to be treated poorly by her spouse she is also normalizing the situation for her children. See the comment from the divorced spouse about walking on eggshells and regret. [/quote]

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