Reply to Secrets to remaining married to narcissist and keeping inner happiness?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Secrets to remaining married to narcissist and keeping inner happiness?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s very troubling to see so many folks seemingly unaware or dismissive of the impact on children of growing up with a narcissistic parent - and FYI, that doesn’t have to mean a full blown NPD which is rarer, but heavy narcissistic traits will prevent a person from providing a child with a positive experience of childhood and attachment.

Kids are adaptive and resilient and will do what they must to survive. That doesn’t mean the damage isn’t happening and that they won’t struggle with the fallout from it their entire adult lives nor that it won’t damage their ability to ever securely attach in adult relationships. Sadly in worst case they will become a narcissist themselves and visit this trauma unto your grandkids.

https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/narcissistic-parent/

Just don’t fool yourselves, you aren’t doing this for your kids. [/quote]

Play this out though: OP leaves. Her kids are with their NPD father 50% of the time, so they are still being exposed to his manipulation. One could argue at least OP has the chance to heal, but odds are better that her ex’s actions will bleed over to OP’s 50%.

The ex wants to destroy OP, and will do this through the kids. The kids be alienated from OP. She will spend 20% of her parenting time undoing the damage to her kids done by her ex. She will spend her resources on legal fees, trying to protect her kids or herself from her ex.

Maybe one day the kids will grow up and see who the problem is. Or maybe they will be narcissists themselves. Or maybe they will be so alienated from OP that they have no relationship with her.

By definition, a narcissist is not going to suddenly change his ways and be an amicable coparent when OP leaves. The kids’ fate was sealed when OP got pregnant. OP’s choice is to endure her husband but have her kids full time, or to leave her husband but still be controlled by him.[/quote]

It's great that you typed "odds are" if she leaves. You indirectly admit there is a chance for them if she leaves. If she stays, not only are the kids living it, they are picking up that it is okay to tolerate it. Odds of the narcissistic parent's actions bleeding onto her parenting are 100%. And odds are high that the kids learn that it cannot be that bad if their mother who loves them so much chose to stay.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics