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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People really seem to be overreacting and not actually giving you the advice you’re asking for. I think some perspective could be that at some point his daughter will be happy that he found someone to grow old with. As she matures, she will realize the benefit of that for him, and eventually for her. My mom has no one, and it is a huge responsibility for me, for her happiness and her well-being. What a blessing that she can enjoy her dad and not have to worry about taking care of him later in life because he also has you. 
I think you can have a conversation with her about how she is feeling and acknowledge that it must be hard and that you don’t ever want to get in the way of her and her dad. Give her full permission to approach you if she ever needs some alone time with her dad, and have her know that you will oblige. 
There is no reason for you to not get married because of adult children. They have their own lives and will continue to do so. I’m sure it’s hard to have your dad’s wife in pictures but isn’t it also a blessing?! [/quote]

Well, no. It may or may not be a blessing depending on how she behaves, how she treats people, and how their marriage goes. So stop with your Pollyanna divorce cheerleading. And it's funny how you think alone time with a parent requires explicit advance permission. I would never ask my dad's wife for that. She doesn't own him.

And you cannot assume that a new partner will be someone to grow old with. It's some bizarre delusion that you think his daughter won't have to care for him. The new wife might die. She might get sick and be too sick to take care of anyone and grow old with anyone. They might divorce again. She might be with him while he's healthy and fun, monopolize his time, make him blow off his grandkids in favor of hers, spend all his money, and then ditch him when he's old and sick. This go very badly. Adult children are definitely still worried about late-in-life care even when their parents have new spouses, because there's no way to predict how it will go and who will die first. Grow up and face reality. It's not as pretty as you're trying to make it seem.

And then there's the question of who cares for the step-parent-- does anyone really want MORE aging parents to take care of? I already have my father and mother and in-laws, I certainly don't want to add to the list.[/quote]

Well first of all, OP seems super nice and normal so many of those things seem like a non issue. 
And second, her son can take care of her. She is not asking his kids to care for her! [/quote]

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