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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. Since the consensus here is that I'm in the wrong, I'm open to advice around what I should be doing differently because I'm at my wit's end.

DH left his job about a year ago, and I've been in my new role for 6 mos. We had a FT nanny until the time DH left his job, and part of why we haven't hired a replacement is that he said he wants to be the person taking care of the kids. But there is not yet a single thing that I feel like I can completely let go of.

[b]For almost 12 years, he went to work and came back as suited his needs, and he never needed to worry about whether kids were fed, picked up, cared for, etc. [/b]He informed me of work trips or dinners, and I accommodated. If I had a work trip, I worked with the nanny and other babysitters to ensure coverage around his work schedule.

I'm not even that resentful of it all. He set us up well financially. We could afford FT help, and I've told him why not enjoy this early retirement, even if it's only for a year or two, and let someone else handle things. I've finally had to hire someone PT, because I need someone to help me with my errands and kids now have different pick up times and activities...and DH is kind of complain-y about it.

At the end of the day, stuff just needs to get done. Forms need to be signed, kids need the gear for their activities, parent-teacher conferences need to be scheduled etc. Our kids are more self-sufficient than a lot, but they are still kids and need help and reminders. I'm new in my job, and I work 10-12/hr days.

I have tried to follow all the DCUM advice. I don't comment when we end up eating pizza 3d/week because DH doesn't have a dinner plan (though even DD is now complaining). I handle it and say nothing when I get a phone call from school that DS forgot his lunch and is upset because he can't eat the ham sandwich they are offering him (for religious reasons). I run the laundry when I notice that DH forgot after asking the kids to put it in the washer. I'm doing what I can to ease this transition. But when DH forgets something that we both agree is important and would never compromise for himself (and wilderness safety is something we are 100% aligned around), it just feels like he still hasn't absorbed the responsibility of thinking about anyone's needs but his own.[/quote]

For 12 years you let your husband completely check out of family life and now you're shocked that 6 months in he isn't doing things the same way you did?

Honestly, this is why I'd never do the 0/100% situation you had before. It's awful for everyone. [/quote]

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