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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My friends all have DHs 44-48, and they’ve all lost their damn minds. Affairs, mental health crises, lost jobs, wanting to randomly move abroad, alcoholism, you name it and some guy has done it since turning 44/45.

Someone said this is biological and is male menopause. Seriously? If it can be explained that easily, why aren’t we medicating them to the gills the way we do for erectile dysfunction?

I really want to believe this is a biological thing that we can fix so families can be saved. I don’t want to think that most of my friends’ husbands have turned into irrevocable overnight disasters.[/quote]

DH here: I think it’s generally circumstantial rather than biological, although low T is a meaningful factor for some.  That is a stage of life where careers plateau, when you kind of run out of steam work-wise but are looking at needing to grind out another 20 years even so.  For many, sex in their marriages has declined to a low ebb.  There can be a lack of acknowledgement from one’s spouse about the sacrifices that have been made to provide economically, and many marriages seem to get trapped in the “who has given up more”/lack of affection/mutual recrimination spiral.  It’s a time when the reality that you are basically trapped by the results of your prior choices and there is little to be done really bites.  Rather than deal with these feelings constructively, some men just crash out instead.  Obviously, that’s bad.

But there is no pill for “stuck in job I hate for jerk boss and need to do that for another 20 years to manage college bills.”  What most of these men need is to lift weights and read Marcus Aurelius, but not everyone finds that.  Religion would help many, too.  At root, I think this is not a biological problem, it is a philosophical one. These men don’t need a pill; they need a philosopher or a priest.[/quote]

Agree.

This is not a biological reaction, it is a values based, attitudes based and philosophical reaction.

Instead of finding peace, happiness and gratitude in what they have c they crash out in search of self fulfillment.

But in reality, sustainable fulfillment is a community and family driven thing. [/quote]

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