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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 17 yo has been good friends with both boys she has dated seriously. So it was harder to set extra boundaries once I figured out it had moved to a romantic relationship. She’s been in co Ed friend groups since 5th grade.

First time both parents had open door rules but they had sex anyway. now this second time - mid junior year and it was with a boy she’d been friends with since age 14 - I didn’t bother with all that. The second time and maturity difference is pretty big, this time.

I’d do your best to keep any boundaries you can (I’d let them have privacy in phone calls tho!! That suggestion is ridiculous) but don’t expect you can stop them either. Buy condoms for his bathroom “for him and his friends”[/quote]

I don’t understand this open door rule as if it’s going to prevent teens from having sex. It’s only meant for calming the nerves of anxious parents so they feel like they are parenting. The teens will easily find a way at another house, when you’re not at home etc.[/quote]

Obviously there is no way to stop them. But you shouldn’t be making it easy for them either.  Contra the poster above who wants to present them with a basket of condoms and lube—shudder—I don’t think it’s ideal to just let them bang away in the bedroom while everyone else is chilling in the sitting room. I think you kind of owe it to them to make them sneak around.  It reduces risk by reducing the number of encounters they can have; it’s way more fun for them, too—instead of disappearing into some upstairs bedroom while people are downstairs watching Matlock or whatever, they have to furtively plan for those tiny windows of time where they can finally be alone together.  So romantic—the longing, the planning, the fear of discovery—don’t deny them that experience. And please don’t convene the summit of parents to mutually decide what level of sexual activity will be condoned in each of your various houses.  Let them sneak around the way nature intended.  [/quote]

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