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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]A Comprehensive Taxonomy of D.C.-Area Catholic High Schools Based on Reputation, Tuition, Aesthetics, Mascot Quality, and the Likelihood Your Kid Will Take Latin and Row Crew[/b]

[i]by A Deeply Anxious Parent Armed with a Whiteboard, a Latin Dictionary, and a Stanford Application already in draft mode in the Common App[/i]

I didn’t grow up here either. I thought I could organize the D.C.-area Catholic high school landscape using something sensible, like tuition or gender or whether the school offers Model UN and badminton. I was wrong.

The truth is, school reputations here are formed through decades of whispered brunch intel, offhand comments at crew regattas, and whether the school's blazers have that one gold crest that screams "legacy." What follows is a fully subjective, deeply emotional, and somehow completely accurate breakdown of the ecosystem.

[b]Tier I: “Legacy? Oh, we are the legacy.”[/b]

Georgetown Visitation, Stone Ridge, Georgetown Prep

Tuition: $95,000 and a solemn vow to endow a humanities chair

Gender: Yes. Absolutely. Elegantly enforced.

Reputation Score™: 9.8/10 (drops slightly if the alumni board votes to repaint the squash courts in a controversial shade of cream, or if a Supreme Court nominee is getting grilled by Congress)

Mascot Rating: Mostly decorative, like a Roman numeral clock in a powder room

These schools aren’t “chosen”—they happen to you, like godparents or orthographic spelling, and there's usually a great-aunt “Muffy” involved in the admissions process. Prep boys go to lawn parties where senators grill lamb. Visitation girls are legally required to wear pearls at least once during Spirit Week. Stone Ridge grads all go to Duke or become French Ambassadors to Luxembourg. The cafeterias serve restorative soups. Students major in equestrian diplomacy.

[b]Tier II: “We pray hard, study hard, and our school plays your school in lacrosse.”[/b]

Gonzaga, Academy of the Holy Cross, St. John’s College High School

Tuition: Mid-to-high, includes embossed student planners and accidental varsity status

Gender: Single-sex in theory, co-ed in parking lots

Reputation Score™: 8.2–8.7, weighted by last week’s admissions into Notre Dame

Mascot Rating:

Gonzaga Purple Eagle: 10/10, majestic and mildly threatening

Holy Cross Tartans: 7.5/10, deeply Catholic plaid energy

St. John’s Cadets: 8/10, ROTC vibes, but they mean business

This tier brings academic heat and actual swagger. Gonzaga is Jesuit, gritty, and probably the only place where boys memorize Hamlet and have a cheering section nicknamed The Zoo. Holy Cross girls are sharp, stylish, and theologically literate. St. John’s is like a military meets ballet academy where half the kids are also taking AP Art and crushing it. Uniforms are immaculate. Instagram presence is strong. Homecoming is a thing.

[b]Tier III: “We’re good people. Also, our robotics team beat your football team.”[/b]

DeMatha, Elizabeth Seton, Our Lady of Good Counsel

Tuition: Human, still expensive  but not trying to be a ski resort expensive

Gender: Single-sex or co-ed, but there’s sibling crossover at youth group

Reputation Score™: 7.9–8.5, plus +1 for humility and actual socioeconomic diversity

Mascot Rating:

DeMatha Stags: 10/10, elegant, antlered, iconic

Seton Roadrunners: 7.5/10, underrated and speedy

Good Counsel Falcons: 8/10, respectable and aerodynamic

This is the “don’t sleep on us, earned not given” tier.These schools deserve more respect than they get at wine-and-charcuterie nights in Bethesda.

DeMatha is an academic and athletic powerhouse where poets, pianists and point guards coexist, sometimes in the same body. There’s brotherhood, basketball, biochemistry and a record-breaking band. Seton, unfairly side-eyed by Potomac brunch moms, is packed with focused young women who will graduate, start nonprofits, and dismantle the patriarchy by Tuesday. Good Counsel is suburban and sprawling but consistently churning out NIH fellows and NCAA prospects, sending kids to college with academic merit and a spiritual backbone.

[b]Tier IV: “We have spirit. And a large parking lot. And that counts.”[/b]

Bishop O’Connell, Bishop Ireton

Tuition: Respectable. Possibly payable in offertory envelopes.

Gender: Coed

Reputation Score™: 6.5–7.2, adjusted for uniform fit and pep rally enthusiasm

Mascot Rating:

O’Connell Knights: 7/10, chivalrous and probably armor-clad

Ireton Cardinals: 6.5/10, dignified, though not fear-inducing

These schools are suburban solid. O’Connell has well-lit hallways, a thriving theater program, and sports teams that show up with matching socks. Ireton is Alexandria-steady: no flash, no drama, just students quietly becoming capable adults. They aren’t loud on message boards, which is precisely what makes them reliable. These are schools where kids still write thank-you notes in cursive.

[b]Tier V: “Did someone say Socratic method and backyard sword-fighting?”[/b]

The Heights, Avalon School, St. Anselm’s Abbey School

Tuition: Reasonable, assuming you also tithe in Latin

Gender: All boys. Like very boys.
Reputation Score™: 7.3–7.8, with a +0.2 modifier if your son owns a compass (the moral kind)

Mascot Rating:

The Heights: Mascotless; relies on Thomistic virtue

Avalon: Something Spartan and dramatic

Anselm’s: Benedictine and a little wizard-y

These are schools for families who use the term “formation” unironically. Boys here grow up quoting Plato, forging knives (probably), and debating whether Cicero would’ve made varsity crew. Anselm’s is Hogwarts for the high-minded. The Heights is basically the Catholic version of Rivendell. Avalon boys can tell you the difference between honor and valor—and why both should be embroidered on your collar.

[b]Tier VI: “We’re Catholic, yes. But also we vibe.”[/b]

Don Bosco Cristo Rey, Archbishop Carroll, St. Vincent Pallotti

Tuition: Modest, mission-driven, sometimes paired with a work-study program

Gender: Coed

Reputation Score™: 8.0–8.6 (a quiet powerhouse tier if you’re paying attention)

Mascot Rating:

Don Bosco: 7.5/10, humble and industrious

Carroll Lions: 8/10, classic, noble, surprisingly fierce

Pallotti Panthers: 7.5/10, sleek, stealthy, has opinions about Eucharistic adoration

These schools may not grace the pages of Washingtonian’s “Most Likely to Require Loafers” spread, but they are churning out compassionate leaders, community scholars, and first-generation college students. Cristo Rey integrates job experience into the curriculum. Carroll has quietly rebooted itself into a formidable force. Pallotti is a hidden gem for families who care more about substance than swim teams.

[b]Final Takeaways[/b]

Reputation is a hydra: part fact, part folklore, part that one time a kid wore Crocs to the confirmation retreat.

Tuition is a psyop.

And inevitably, someone will furrow their brow like they’ve just tasted off-brand hummus when you mention your school list.
[/quote]
Nailed it. This is masterful![/quote]

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