Reply to Wife's refusal to treat her OCD is getting in the way of our marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She seems to have on and off periods and it's really tiring having to deal with it.  We have two entire rooms full of her papers from 9th grade through college and all types of other possessions that [b]she does not need anymore.[/b] She does not like me rearranging/fixing anything in the house in case I might throw away something she still needs. She fixates on specific drinks and stocks the fridge up with that one drink for months and does not buy any other. She knows these are things she needs to get treatment for but she doesn't want too. We've had many arguments about this and she just gets angry really fast about everything on a day to day basis (throwing things at walls, damaging doors). It's truly ruining our marriage. I love her and see a future for us but not sure what to do next.[/quote]

She doesn't need them, but does she want them? I guarantee you have old crap you don't technically "need" either, but if you have the room to keep it, what's the problem? Similarly, fixating on specific drinks (or activities, or hobbies, or shows, or...) isn't a problem in and of itself.

Are you the problem? Are you the one making these things a problem? Maybe focus on solving the problem(s) you're responsible for instead of picking fights with her about how you think she needs to change is a more sustainable solution. [/quote]

Those are just examples of some ways her OCD manifests that I had right on the top of my head. I know she's struggling and needs help, so I want to help her.[/quote]

This is PP 09:37. OP, ignore the PPs who want to be amateur armchair psychologists and are attacking you as the problem. None of us on this thread have enough information about your situation to make ANY definitive call about your particular situation. We can only speak from our own experiences.

I posted from my experience with my young adult child diagnosed with OCD. Over the past ten years, child has been through OCD treatment several times (plain CBT which was a disaster and made things worse; ERP which worked well with the external compulsions; and now Inference-based Cognitive-Behavorial Therapy for ongoing internal compulsions which so far is going well). The OCD quiets down for long stretches but never goes away. The OCD ebbs and flows in times of stress when it can be debilitating while over time the particular flavor of OCD (scrupulosity, contamination, over-responsibility, perfectionism, etc.) has morphed. OCD is absolutely draining for the whole family to deal with. That said, my child is an amazing person who I love dearly.

What has been most difficult as a parent trying to help is not knowing when my child is caught up in the mental compulsions which are going at full steam (checking, ruminating, seeking reassurance, avoidance). I-CBT describes this state for the OCD sufferer as crossing the bridge into the OCD Bubble and getting so caught up in the story OCD is telling them that they can't get back out.

I've found it very helpful listening to "The OCD Stories" podcast from Stuart Ralph -- a psychotherapist treating OCD and anxiety disorders in the UK -- and watching Chrissie Hodges' YouTube channel -- she is an OCD advocate and a certified peer support specialist for OCD. For something a bit more "lighthearted" but still educational, try the "OCD doodles" account from Laura Johnson on Instagram.

OP, don't forget to take care of yourself, too! It's a long, hard journey. [/quote]

Thanks for all resourses/advice you'd provided for me. I feel like [b]DW isn't 100% her best self and that's what I want her to become.[/b][/quote]

I bet you think this is healthy and helpful, but it's not. This is a you problem. Nobody is "100% their best self" ever; we're all a work in progress (at best) and there are times where we seem to be stuck or stagnating that are extremely important to our rest and (re)growth. Stop trying to change your wife and change the person whose expectations you can control: yourself. You can't want someone else's health/growth any more than they do.

You are revealing yourself to be the problem every time you post.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

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