Reply to Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another data point: my mother was mostly a SAHM. She went to grad school when I was quite young and student taught and substitute taught. I know when I was in second grade she took over for another teacher with a brain tumor for a few months. I know in sixth grade she substitute taught my class when my teacher had the flu. I don't remember her working after that.

I LOVED when she worked. She thought all the kids were terribly behaved so in comparison thought my brother and I were angels when she'd come home from a day of teaching. Plus, she'd come home completely exhausted, and as long as we brought her a Coke with ice, she'd drink that laying on the couch and leave us alone. I HATED when she was home all the time. She was suffocating. Always wanted to talk and ask questions and got involved where we didn't need her input. She drove my brother and I apart so much - even he will admit he was favored by her - by meddling in our arguments rather than letting us work them out ourselves. Any time I was racing around to get ready for school as I'd go past her bedroom she'd call out to me, "Let me see your outfit! Turn around. Do you think it'd look better tucked in? Go tuck it in and show me. Are you going to brush your hair?" When I'd come home in the afternoon, I as an introvert needed to be alone and recover from school and all the people. She however, was so excited to finally have someone to talk with she'd badger me over and over without letting me decompress.

She wasn't JUST a SAHM. She was a SAHM who had no life and tried to live vicariously through her children. She was a SAHM who did nothing but sleep, eat and watch tv while we were at school. It was awful and I will never be that type of mother to my children. [/quote]

I would have LOVED for my mom to have been a SAHM.  The idea of having a mother who was there, waiting for me to come home from school, who wanted to know about my day, who was actually interested and had time to sit and talk with me - what a dream that would have been for me growing up.  I hated having to go to after-care programs and camp after camp during the summers.  It was just one over-scheduled day after another.  I was an introvert too, and would have done anything just to come home after school and curl up with a book, knowing my mom was nearby, rather than having to participate in stupid activities and crafts just to while away the time until I was picked up and could finally go home.  Several of my best friends had SAHMs and it was always such a treat when I could go home with them instead of going to after-care.  Their moms made everything warm and inviting and I felt such envy that my own mom wasn't like that.  I never looked at their moms as "having no life" or "living vicariously through their children."  On the contrary, I was so blown away that they made the time for their kids and had close relationships with them.  I craved more time with my mother.  I could have used her advice many times with clothes or how to wear my hair, or so many other things, but she was usually rushing around, or already at work.  And no, she didn't 'have' to work to provide for us.  She was 'following her path,' as she put it; and she now wonders why my siblings and I aren't especially interested in how she's doing these days.  
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