Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Partner and I are talking about marrying next year. The topic of surnames came up and he just assumed that I'm taking his. I said I'd rather keep mine and he said he didn't liked the idea and hit me with the "what name are the children gonna have?". I told him we can double-barrel as it seems to be working fine for latinos/spanish people to which he took offense. He said tht as a family unit we need to have a single last name, so I proposed that he takes mine and he was visibly very uncomfortable. We didn't finish talking about this, but I'm already feeling disappointed and wondering what other ideas he's got about gender. I'm not sure what to expect next.[/quote]

What is or are your goal(s)?

1.  Start a family?
2.  Carry on your own family surname?  
3.  Protest patriarchal surnames? 
4.  Not lose your identity (which, likely, is your father’s surname)?
5.  Prove how modern you are?
6.  Something else?  
7.  Some combination of the above?

Your (potentially) future husband indicated goals 1 and 2.

Hyphenated names are fine for one generation.  What if your hyphenated kid marries another hyphenated kid?  How long do you really think all the hyphenated names survive? Maybe consider law firm or business names.  Only the first name in the list tends to survive long term.  What’s your really goal here?

[/quote]. OPs goal is she doesn't want to get married to this guy and the names thing is about as good a reason as any, which she will of course blame on him..

Maybe when she is 45 and still single, she will look back and think, "Wow why did I make such a big deal over this?"[/quote]
Spoken like a fragile man.

Maybe she’ll look back at 45 and wonder why she married a man who deep down she knew harbored too much misogyny to truly love her and wonder how to get out with two kids and a job she had to quit or mommy track because he didn’t do crap to help raise their family. Second scenario is much more likely.

Asking women to abdicate their personhood so they (quelle horreur) don’t end up without a man is absolutely insane. [/quote]

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