Reply to Extreme resentment over mental load

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s unconscious, but this is about establishing power in the relationship. No modern man would say to his wife “I’m the leader of this household,” but they communicate in this more subtle, non-verbal way.  
By framing the relationship in a way where she just does things, but he has to be asked to do normal things like clean the house, watch the kids, prepare food, or buy Christmas presents, he (likely unconsciously) asserts that he is the more powerful person in the relationship without actually having to say it.

That’s what you are resentful about, OP.  It isn’t the “mental load.”  It’s that he is treating you as “lesser than” he is.

[/quote]

OP here. He definitely treats me as though I’m less than him in many ways. [/quote]

And then you buy into it and complain and resent. You have to flip that switch, if only in your own head. You win. You're the better parent. Stop the whole nonsense internally. Then, if/when he treats you like you're less than, just look at him like the lost little puppy he must be and pat him on the cute little stupid head.

Do only what works for you, including teaching your children to go along with it and be grateful for whatever holiday magic you manage. Lower everyone's expectations. If your spouse balks, he's welcome to pick up the slack. If he gives you grief, invite him to fix whatever he's upset about, like a damned adult.

You have to opt out of this whole game if you don't want to play this game. Otherwise, not only are you playing, you're probably gonna lose. [/quote][/quote]

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