Reply to Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers.  I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.[/quote]

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, s[b]ince they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work.[/b] I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?[/quote]

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too? [/quote]

I don’t think SAHMs are leaving jobs like this, they’re leaving dead-end menial work. People who are happy and accommodated and valued stay. [/quote]

Sure, but people are saying that they should, "I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally."[/quote]

Yes but that’s what someone is saying. People say all kinds of things. The above sentence likely fills someone with a warmer feeling of superiority than saying “I wasn’t getting much out of my career, and I get a lot out of being home”. People aren’t always comfortable admitting they weren’t really getting much because it acknowledges that others were. [/quote]

This works both ways though (I mean the judgment).

I did leave my job after I had a baby because it wasn't fulfilling and I realized it would be more fulfilling to be home. My job wasn't menial (SME with a decent amount of seniority) but I [b]also wasn't in charge, had to deal with a lot of office politics/corporate BS, and was kind of burnt out.[/b] But I would tell that to people and they'd openly judge me for it. Like I remember saying this to a friend of a friend who asked if I'd been planning to become a SAHM ("No, but after my daughter was born, I just realized staying home with her was more appealing to me at this point in time than staying in my job -- I was ready for a change") and her response? "I think I'm honestly too smart to ever feel that way, my brain just could not be engaged enough staying home with a baby." Like literally this woman called me stupid to my face because I chose to quit a pretty decent job to stay home with my baby. That's the worst example but I remember getting a lot of comments like that during that time. Being a SAHM is pretty unusually in my social circles, so I went out of my way to frame it so people understood I didn't judge any woman for working instead of staying home (and still don't, it's what I always planned to do and it shocked me when I decided to do something else instead). But wow were some people rude to me about it.[/quote]

That woman was a glassbowl. But the bolded is what I meant by  saying a job doesn’t have to be low prestige to be menial (maybe I need a better word.) but if you’re dealing with a ton of BS and not being compensated extraordinarily…of course you leave. That is, in fact, the smart thing regardless of what that woman said.

I have two extremely high-performing women on my team right now who just went into the “kids maybe?” stages with their husbands. You can bet I will get them every possible accommodation and flexibility because if I do, they’ll stay with us and I will have made an investment in 5+ more years of having them. If I don’t retain them, that’s on me, not on them.
[/quote]

I think it's smart that you value your high-performing employees so much, but there is nothing you can to do accommodate someone who wants to be the primary caregiver for their child during the infant and toddler years.  That's not a failure on anyone's part.[/quote]

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