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[quote=Anonymous]

https://momastery.com/blog/we-can-do-hard-things-ep-87/
Tyler Merritt: I text my publicist and said, “Hey, I know you’re leaving New York, but I’m coming in.” She said, “Jen Hatmaker is here.” I was like, “Cool. I don’t really know Jen, but I’m there by myself, if she wants to kick it while the night she’s there.” I had my friend Sarah, [b]who’s on my team basically give me a quick update of all things, Jen Hatmaker. Then we met at our little bar thing and it was so platonic.[/b]
Glennon Doyle:It was platonic in your intention when you went, but how, that first night when you sat and talked for a little bit, did you feel the sparky butterflies? What was your experience of Jen, that night when you were sitting at that table?
Tyler Merritt: I walked into this bar thing and she was there in all of her hotness. I think you had a black leather jacket or something, she was just dope. I went in from like, “I’m trying to get to go see the show.” Into suddenly, I put on a little swag. I was like, “What’s up though? What’s up Jen Hatmaker.” Real talk though,[b] listen, I’m a 45 year old bachelor, I wasn’t even thinking anything about that.[/b]
Tyler Merritt: Right. This is what happened y’all, I was there for three more days. I was going to go see Hamilton, a show she loves that I wasn’t aware at the time and loves and I’m like, “Yo, I’m going to go see Hamilton tomorrow with great seats. I’m going to go do all these things.” I was like, “Look, if you don’t have anything to do, I’m by myself, stick around.” And she was like, “No.” I was-

1. He had his publicist do intel but he's also admitted that he had reached out to her in the past via instagram so he was familiar with her and I'm sure their publicist talked about her. But in the intro, he emphasizes how platonic (perhaps business-related his intentions were?)
2. He disrespects her choice to leave NYC on schedule--she had kids at home but since he's a selfish manbaby, he wanted her to stay and play.

Jen Hatmaker: We hadn’t been seated for two minutes and a mom and a daughter come walking past this, and he’s like, “Whoa! You look good. I like this outfit.” I was like, “That’s sweet.” It was just a mom in her 50s.
Tyler Merritt:What had happened is she had on some red leather pants or something.I dressed women for a while. She walked up and I was like, “Yo, those pants are fire.” Then what you did Jen, is you didn’t just sit back and go, “Well, let me just watch Tyler do this.” You jumped into and were like, “Those are amazing. What are you guys doing tonight?” And that was again, I looked over at you like, “Are we seeing people together right now? Is this what we’re doing?”

-This was also probably her needing to insert herself in the compliment and take over the convo fro the attention

Tyler Merritt: Because if there was a definitive question of [b]who started what with who[/b], I would probably say it was the phone call is what started the whole thing, and [b]the phone call was Jen’s idea[/b].We had been texting and [b]it was completely platonic,[/b] it was all good. She got to chapter seven in my book and [b]I wanted some intel on her about that chapter.[/b] I’m thinking she’s a writer, she’ll text and she texts me and she goes, “Hey, can you talk?” I text her back and I said, “On the phone?”[b] I only talk to my mom on the phone.[/b]
--So embarrassing how he goes out of his way for people to know that she pursued him, that he didn't reciprocate and even mentions he just wanted help on his book but she NEEDED a call.  And he emphasized how he didn't want to talk

Jen Hatmaker: Tyler texts me, he’s like, “I sent you something.” It should be there tomorrow or whatever.” I was out of town and I’m like, “Okay, I’ll see it when I get back.” I get back and he has sent me this… I do not know how to describe this, but it’s a big box of gold preserved roses. This is a thing I didn’t know. He’s like, “This is for your bougie Christmas.” They were gorgeous. They’re over the top gorgeous. I’m like, “These are so pretty.”
Tyler Merritt:Okay. I’m 45, single with no kids, which it means… this is what this means, and I do pretty okay for myself. It’s just me, I have no kid. I don’t have anything else except just stuff, and so she posts this thing and she has this tree that basically matches these flowers. I know because I had sent my mom some, I see this thing and I think to myself, “Yo, I’m going to send these over to, Jen.” I send them to her, I was just like, “This post is cool. And how fun is it going to be for her to have this bougie Christmas that she wrote a whole thing about and open up these roses and be like, “I’m going to put these over here.” I’ll be honest with you in my mind, I’m keeping… this is 100. In my mind I’m thinking, “Jen has 12 dudes that send her things and people send her things all the time.” At that period of time, I already had friends in my life then who were being like, “You talk about Jen a lot. Are you guys something?” And I said, “No, she’s just my homie. She’s cool is all, get out.” But I’m-
--He just cannot admit or own his own mixed signals. He's trying to deny that sending someone $500 flowers (without a relationship status defined at the time) is normal? Or he's trying to posture that he's so rich and has so much disposable income since he's not a parent that he can just mail someone $500 flowers.

Tyler Merritt:She’s right though. We had had a lot of communication. I [b]slowly started to fall for Jen, and then she sped it up immediately[/b]. Because I didn’t even really know I was really falling for her, I just knew we talked a lot, we were joking a lot. What should have given me the clue is I don’t text that much with anybody except people in my immediate circle, but here she is over in Texas and we just got along so well, it just seemed so natural. We started getting a little flirty, but even then it was like, as a single dude, flirty is not weird. Then one day she just made shit real, Glennon. She made it real.

Tyler Merritt:  One day just casually, she drops the, “What is this?” She put it in the form of a text.  She went, “Hi, so what’s going on? I want to be very clear. Do you talk to everybody like this? I need to go down line and define this exactly.”

Tyler Merritt: What I said was give some time. I’m for real you all, I was like, “Can I have a minute?” “Can I have a minute, because this just got real immediately.” 20 minutes ago you were like, “How’s your day?” And now you’re like, “Can you define this please?”
Abby Wambach: How long did the minute last?
Tyler Merritt: Out of respect for Jen, it was only about 24 hours. I came back to her and it got real technical. Listen, it got real clinical. I came to her and I was like, “Okay. I feel like I may have some feelings for you.” “Here’s the situation, my life is very complicated. I have been a bachelor for a very long time so I need to figure out what it would even look like for me to be in a relationship with somebody. And if you have patience with me to see what that would look like, then we can investigate.” I was just so transparent with her. I wasn’t trying to-

Jen Hatmaker: Yeah, it’s like a business meeting. It’s true because the two of us each have a whole life-

--This is so embarrassing to discuss.

More red flags
Tyler Merritt: I was very clear on being like, “[b]I have a history of not trusting women. I have a history of dogging people so that I could protect myself[/b].” I knew I was stepping into something with somebody who was whole and I needed her to know that she was safe. That piece, that’s where the negotiations began where I was like, “All right, there’s a couple things you’re going to understand. [b]My best friend is a girl. The person who I spend 98% of my time I’m with is another single woman who is my ride or die, and so you just need to know this and coming into this that that’s not going to change because that’s my best friend. I’m surrounded by a ton of women.”[/b] There’s a song in the musical called Take Me Or Leave Me where there’s a character saying like, “This is just who I am. I’m going to always have these people around me. If you can roll with that, then we’re going to be okay, but you’re just going to have to know it.” I came to Jen and was like, “Yo, I just got to keep it 100 with you. Give me a little bit to get my situation straight. Let me talk to the people that are in my life, and if we’re going to do it, let’s do it. But before you step into this, I need you to know that this is a safe place.” Then we started to walk from there, and it switched.

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