Reply to Trying to understand Nicola Peltz Beckham

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think when a man gets married he generally tends to side with his wife's side. My ds is not even married, his girlfriend is lovely but I see it already. Her side is favored. We're easy going people so it's fine, but I imagine if I were more of a dramatic, diva person who liked things my way, there'd be major clashing over things, little slights can become mountains and resentment accumulates. Now throw in billionaire tantrums and expectations, immaturity, social media and public interest and it's a perfect storm for a huge mess of a situation.[/quote]

Is her side favored or is she the one who does all the planning for gifts, visits, phone calls, etc. [/quote]

+1.  Many men hate talking, planning, etc.   And they are so conflict avoidant they would rather not raise something to their mom and skip a visit altogether than have an actual conversation about an issue (which may not even be a huge issue- something like "Hey DW is allergic to your dog and can't stay overnight there unless you board the dog.")[/quote]

It's not like either of them are working. They aren't like you, living paycheck to paycheck. They have nothing else to do but hang out with their parents who foot all the bills. [/quote]

Who are you replying to and what are you even talking about?[/quote]

Who are you? Are you suggesting these two unemployed layabouts favored one side over the other because of all the work that goes into maintaining a relationship? As if they are too busy?[/quote]

I think someone made an OT post about DILs generally favoring their own families and others chimed in saying it may look like that but the sons have agency too.  I don't think anyone has compared their financial situation to the Peltz Beckhams.[/quote]

Comparing them to other couples and the division of labor/mental load implies that they are somehow like normal couples. They aren't at all. Buying gifts and making phone calls are things stressed out people who have limited means and time worry about. That doesn't apply to this couple at all.[/quote]

That wasn't the point. The point was daughters usually favor their own birth families and if in laws are unhappy about it, they should blame their sons for not doing more to maintain a relationship rather than blame their daughter in law. [/quote]

I'm the original person who brought up the favored side story. My point was not at all that my son's girlfriend was to blame, so I'm not sure how it derived into that. In my eyes it's not a "blame him or blame her" situation. It just is. I think the in-laws, as the older people who are more mature, have to just adapt and realize the wife (and by extension her family) usually comes first and that won't always align with your plans or desires. You just have to suck it up and be gracious because you cannot control your son as an adult. And odds the relationship will be good are greater if you accept that than if you make demands because demands create resentment. So the Beckhams might blame Nicole, they might blame their kid...Ultimately none of that matters or helps the situation because they have the dil they have so they have to deal with it or risk further estrangement.[/quote]

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